Hi everyone…it’s been a while.

Welcome to those who’ve never read anything from me before…and to those who’ve been encouraging me lately to get back on the horse, thank you.  When I last wrote, it was Memorial Day Weekend…wow, kinda hard for me to believe given that I was on a streak of writing once or twice a month!  I guess I’ve been a little busy…shoot, we all have.

I want to start off by letting you all know what I’m very thankful for…first, doors that have opened thanks to old work relationships that kept regular contact over the years since I left.  Without my current contracting gig, I would be like 10% of the US population out there looking for work.  I’m very thankful that I’m not in that position!  Second, I’m very thankful…and happy to report, that almost 18 months after a divorce, Scottie and I have worked very hard and, to this point, have created a great environment for our kiddos to thrive.  We even came to the point where we could call each other the “best” of something without it being derogatory – by calling each other the best ex!  While some may chuckle, and even I do as well knowing where we came from, we both know that given the game we’re playing now, we’re pretty darn good at it.  I’ll cut off the thankfulness chain (that could go on forever) by saying I’m very thankful to those of you who’ve supported me – whether it’s just sitting back reading these notes, or calling to give me a boost, or whatever…it’s very appreciated and trust that it’s not lost.

Borrowing from my second thank-you, I want to expand on the topic of social acceptance.  Some of you may know that Scottie and I still live next door to each other.  Now, for those about to ask the flood of questions in your minds, here’s my answers: “I could care less”, “it’s awesome for the kids, and for us too!”, “hey, if it’s a problem for my date, then she’ll miss out on a great dude”, “heck yeah it’s too much house, but it’s working for us (meaning the kids and me) and frankly, my decision is about today, not forever.”

Judging by those answers, you probably get the gist of the eyebrow raising questions I get asked when people find out about my situation.  I can assure you, in the not-too-distant past, you would’ve seen me blowing in the wind with everyone’s opinion.  One person could say, “you’ve gotta get out of there…no woman will ever date you living next to your ex…” Poof, the next thing you know, I’m spending thousands, literally, to get the house cleaned, staged, cleaned again, etc.  This was a regular occurrence for me (not just about moving…but about all the reasons you could imagine why doing anything but moving as far as I could away from “her” was next to insanity).  Quite honestly, and very truthfully, it was maddening…not angry/mad…but crazy/mad.

I added it up one time, and Marty could probably vouch if I really asked him nicely too, but I think I spent close to $20,000 in counseling…all to learn one thing…I’ve got one chance at life, and the minutes/hours/days/months/years, etc that I just spent worrying about this or that are gone forever.  And…all the thisses and thats (yes, made-up words) are just not worth the life I’ve gained back by doing two things – having faith in God and believing in myself.

You see, to me we spend so much time pleasing others…we please bosses, employees, and peers all day at work.  We come home to please family.  We teach our family about doing the same in their own daily lives.  We then try to make sure our social circles are pleased.  And, through it all, if there’s a slice of time left…we’ll please ourselves.  What happens?  We run out of time.  We let somebody down…we miss a meeting, we get cranky at our family, we say ‘no’ to a party with friends because we’re spent…and we certainly miss taking care of ourselves.  Folks, the last I checked…burning the candle at both ends does two things…obviously, you eventually get burned.  But if life represents that candle, well, we run out of candle a lot faster.

I’m not condoning egotism.  Nor am I condoning apathy towards all your varying social/work-circles.  What I have become a big fan of recently, is checking in with my gut from time to time to assure that I’m not losing myself…NOT LOSING MYSELF…at the expense of being accepted by others.

Some of you know I recently filed for bankruptcy because of what happened in my business and the ensuing issues it caused personally.  Trust me when I say what I’ve said above, I’ve got two black-eyes when it comes to social acceptance…a divorce and a bankruptcy.  If I listened to the flood of words that have come to me, from “friends”, clients, vendors, debt collectors, or just random acquaintances; trust me, I’d be paying another $20,000 in counseling.  Oh yeah, to some, counseling is another black eye…forgot that one!

If you’re reading this, it’s because you’re doing one of a few things…continuing to support me as I figure out life, possibly seeing some parallels in your own life, or wasting time.  But regardless of your reason, if you’re on this distribution, it’s because I have found great support in you along the way…and again, I’m forever thankful.

I’ll close by saying this…over the past few months, I’ve made some new friends.  In some ways, I see varying degrees of this in all of them.  The thing is, I still see it in myself.  Just like a car needs routine maintenance (let me know if you do, I’m back working with AutoNation and can certainly get you to a good service department!), we all MUST give ourselves a routine checkup.  Emotional ills drive so many physical ailments…you’re killing yourself if you don’t stop for a minute and make sure that you’re emotionally satisfied.  If you’re not, work out a plan to get there.  I assure you that in the process, you will find areas where you are not being true to yourself.  And those things may be scary to work through – trust me…a divorce and bankruptcy later, I’ve been scared to death on several occasions.  But you know what, I’m still alive…still kickin’…still crackin’ jokes…still being “Mr.  Inappropriate”…and most of all, still here to try to be the best dad I can be.

Thanks gang – and God bless,
Tim