I enjoyed ANOTHER Stars victory with my daughter last night.  During the intermission between the 2nd and 3rd periods, there was a tribute to Bob Gainey, who was instrumental in bringing the Stars to Dallas from Minnesota.  In keeping with the moment, they played a Smashing Pumpkins song I’m sure you’ve all heard…called “Tonight, Tonight”.  I turned to Scottie, who was using my iPhone to play peg-jump, I said, “hey, now’s your chance to ‘Shazam’!”  She quickly captured the song so I could be reminded to buy it later.  Unbeknownst to me, Billy Corgan is one of those crazy strange people who doesn’t want his music sold through Apple, so I was left to just watching the video on YouTube (which is now blocked in the US).  By the way, the video was AWESOME and weird!  The Wikipedia entry on the song is very enlightening – and it echoed much of what the AAC printed as the video played in the arena.

But it wasn’t the video, or the Smashing Pumpkins, or the guys on the ice who were also trying to smash each others’ pumpkins that gave me the inspiration.  It wasn’t the story about Bob Gainey, or even the feel-good moment when last night’s Stars stick-kid of the game (who was a goalie) got the chance to go stand next to Turco, the Stars goalie, for the National Anthem, and it wasn’t even the fun the little one and I had as we walked back to the car trying to sneak a spank or reverse kick on each other’s butt (all the way back to the car).  But if it hadn’t been for last night’s game, I doubt the sequence of events that occurred would’ve had the chance to occur as they did…let me explain.

When I clicked the Wikipedia entry, my eyes were drawn to the Composition and Lyrics which included the following statement: “Lyrically, “Tonight, Tonight” hangs together with the rest of the Mellon Collie, which is a concept album, as a symbol for the cycle of life and death.  The lyrics of the song have been called a “story of urgency and longing” and were compared to Robert Herrick’s poem “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time.”

That statement hit me on two sides…first, I had to take a closer look at the lyrics, which, as always, I’ve included at the end of this message for you.  There in the second run of the chorus it was, “In the resolute urgency of now.” If anything rings in your ears on that one, recall my earlier notes about MLK.  Here’s another reference…a reference by Billy Corgan of all people.  Life flies by and the words of this song are almost profound in their message.  And second, the reference to Herrick’s poem brought back one of my favorite movies of all time, “Dead Poets Society” – I believe this is one of the poems they read in their hideaway, but I’m not certain.  Still, memories came rushing back of the messages of that movie…again, seize the day, because we are all food for worms.

One line in the song says, “We will never be the same…the more you change the less you feel.” Wow…is that right?  Think about it…have you become numb to everything, or just the past?  I’ll tell you my perspective, there’s so much of my past that I’ve sealed in my chest that the chest is now overflowing.  I’ve talked with a few of you who enjoy your feelings…you enjoy the ups in life so much that you’re willing to tolerate the downs.  Others are so afraid of downs that you don’t really get to enjoy many ups.  I claim to be the former but am probably closer to the latter, if not somewhere centered in between.  But have I changed so much that I can’t feel?  What happens when somebody from that past comes up holding a key to that chest?  For me, Facebook has done an amazing job in handing keys out to people from my past who have every bit of the ability to unlock it and see inside.

I spent an hour on the phone with an old friend last night.  Anytime you’re in a rut, try connecting to the past and find out you’re not alone.  We never thought we’d endure our personal dramas when we were young, but we did.  Folks, another good friend of mine congratulated me not long ago by saying, “congrats Tim, you’re living.” Congratulations?  Seriously?  For the pain?  Think about it, she was right.  This is life…this is what we “get to do”.  But anyway, as I talked with my old friend last night, we both agreed, there are never mistakes…but possibly bad choices along the way.  It kinda reinforces that idea I grew up with in church about God having the ultimate will in the outcome of events.  I never knew what that meant, really…but now trucking towards the big 4-0 birthday, I’m spending a ton of time making the pieces to this broken-apart puzzle come back together…and I realize now how much truth there is in that.  Think about it differently, all the recent sales of self-help and self-improvement books, guides, seminars, etc., have done wonders for some, and for others have done very little.  As my counselor likes to remind me every now and then, books are written to sell books.  Why would any one book “work” for one person and not “work” for another?  The answer seems to be coming into more focus for me.  There is an ounce of faith…a positive expectation that things will work out better, that must exist, in my opinion, for any plan to have remotely positive effects.  The secret of success folks, isn’t in a book…it is in you.  Whether you believe in God, Allah, Buddha, or anything else (or nothing of the sort), few can argue that if you go into something believing it’ll be bad, you’ll likely be right.  Few, if any, have been successful without first believing they could do something…that they could be a positive success.

The song is right…we’ll never be the same…and really, who would want to be.  And it’s also right in that the more you change the less you feel…but that is, to me, if you let the change separate you from those feelings.  Sometimes, some feelings need to be locked away and forgotten about forever…or at least for a mighty long time.  But others are good to pull out every now and then, dust off, and relive.  You can actually re-experience a youthfulness you thought had escaped.  Positive connections to the past provide a solid ground to stand on when your emotions are beaten to a pulp.

So in the next sequence of events, while I was scrolling through Shazam and wondering why Smashing Pumpkins wouldn’t sell their stuff to iTunes, I noticed I had acquired a long list of tagged songs that I needed to purchase or delete.  Driving in to work this morning, with a bunch on my mind, one of those downloaded songs came on.  Tim McGraw had a big hit a few years ago “Grown Men Don’t Cry.” Now, you guys know I’m a softie, but this morning it was all I could do to hold it together.  I mean, it was raining, traffic was bad, I’ve got 42 things on my mind hitting all at once, and McGraw has to talk about a mother and son living out of her car, and about a dream he had about where he was a 10-year-old boy holding hands with his dad (that’s tough on me), and then the killer…walking upstairs to put his kids to bed and his daughter looks up and says, “I haven’t had my story yet” and that erases all the stress on his mind…and the little girl lifts her head off the pillow and says, “I love you, dad.”

All I could think of was that little girl of mine playing peg-jump on my iPhone.  She’s 8 now.  And really it’s only a matter of time before she’ll be out on her own.  The urgency of now isn’t about tomorrow, or next week…it is about now.  What are you doing…what am I doing to be assured of success now.

Do me a favor, if you listen to Tonight, Tonight (after enjoying the video of course), turn it around a little and instead of creepy Billy Corgan singing it to you, think about the Higher Power that you believe in singing it to you.  “Believe…believe in me…” – have the faith of a mustard seed, and you can move mountains.

This will be a challenging week for all of us on some level…and not just because of some level of disappointment that seems to always crop up around Valentine’s day…no, we’re all faced with challenges.  But this week, think about it from a different perspective.

Tomorrow will be here soon enough – live today,
Tim

***
Tonight, Tonight – by the Smashing Pumpkins

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave, without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe, believe!
That life can change, that you’re not stuck in vain
We’re not the same, we’re different.
Tonight, tonight, tonight
So bright
Tonight, tonight

And you know you’re never sure
But you’re sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade, in your city by the lake
The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe, believe!
In the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there’s not a chance tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight
So bright tonight, tonight!

We’ll crucify the insincere tonight (Tonight)

Hi gang – fortunately this one is a short one tonight.

First off, three or four new folks to the list tonight – welcome!

Secondly, to those who’ve been praying for Jessy, a quick update.  Jessy was “blessed” to visit the surgery center/ER on 3 total occasions (only one planned!).  There have been plenty of scary moments along the way but she’s at home now, resting, recovering, and giving all the credit to all the prayers.  She’s still got plenty of recovery time coming, so keep her in your prayers, but she’s living proof, if you needed any, that prayer works.  Jessy – KEEP IT UP!

Third, and the meat to what I wanted to say…

A good friend introduced me to a song by a band called “Kutless” – the song “The Promise of a Lifetime”.  If you’ve never heard the song, treat yourself to a download of it…it’s a great tune.  You folks all know I identify at least one piece of music in almost every email…and tonight this one really hits between the eyes.  The first verse nails it – as does every word that follows.

Many who read this are probably in varying stages of some sort of nagging, drama, or pain and really struggling with which way to go.  Even the minister or two out there that reads this may be struggling to turn something over to God.  All of you who receive this have a special place in my heart, and know that regardless of your faith, position, age, or whatever else, you’re always in my thoughts and prayers.

Tonight, I simply ask you to pray for me.  I’ve got some things weighing heavily on me and struggle to, as we used to say in my youth group growing up, “Let Go and Let God.”

I promised a short one…

Peace
Tim

*****
I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I’m feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge you made to me

(Chorus)
I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside I’m clinging to
The promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow through the change
I still remember the pledge you made to me

(Chorus)
I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside I’m clinging to
The promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
I am comforted

(Chorus)
To know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside I’m clinging to
The promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

(Chorus)
I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside I’m clinging to
The promise of a lifetime
Looking back at me
I know that you can see my heart is holding to
The promise of a lifetime

Hi everyone;

It’s been a while now…not sure how long.  If you didn’t already know, I’ve been a little busy.  Oh, before I go on too long, welcome to those of you who have no idea why you received this email!  HA!  I send these little blurbs out every now and then and let people read what’s on my mind.

I think the last time I wrote, I wrote about the idea of forgiving ourselves.  Last week, an old friend of my sister and brother-in-law’s unexpectedly passed away.  My brother-in-law put together a heck of an email reminding everyone of the importance of forgiveness – forgiveness from God, forgiveness of ourselves, and forgiveness between people.  It was touching to say the least, but the pain of years of neglect was certainly taking its toll on him.  Those who know me well, know I’m forever grateful to Rick for stepping in when my Dad died – and nothing he chooses to do or not do will ever take away from that.

The thought crossed my mind about forgiveness like that…of words not spoken that would so easily have bridged the gap, no matter how wide.  But pain has to go with it…that is to say, the pains that helped glue those grudges in place – they’ve got to go away…don’t they?  Does forgiveness guarantee the removal of pain?  Should it?  I’ll raise my hand and tell you quite frankly, I’m not that good…not yet anyway.

A dear friend, whose walk in faith I can only say is beyond most I’ve ever witnessed, recommended I read a book titled “The Pursuit of Holiness.” I’ve been using that book as a devotional for the past couple of weeks – honestly, I should’ve finished it by now, but I’ve re-read some chapters because of their impact.  I confided with my friend that the more I’ve read, the further away I feel from any real faith…especially an active faith.  We were talking the other day about the difference between being a “believer” and a “follower”.  Now, growing up, you were either a “leader” or a “follower” – which tended to say that those who were “followers” were some sort of lower class.  In the case of faith, I would tend to say that the “followers” are actually those that lead the way in faith.  To be a “follower” is to not only believe in Christ, but to follow the teachings and truly strive to be Christ-like.

The first 5 chapters of this book have set me back probably further.  I have unwound and rewound my beliefs several times the past 20 years…more so in the past 5.  I have what I like to call an “accountability partner” now and that type of relationship, with someone who understands the idea of being a follower is unbelievably enlightening.  As I read through this book, I realize why doing the things I’ve been doing (the wrong things, that is) are really keeping me from living closer to my potential…closer to the life I truly want…and closer to the happiness I so insanely seek!  Insanely?  Yes – if it’s not a word, I made it up!!!  But that defines so much as to why I’ve not found it – I’m doing the wrong things continually trying to get there.

In my work, for instance, I have associated with those who have truly burdened me.  Yes they’ve helped…but their help has handcuffed me – lulled me to sleep because of the comfort I felt as they produced more and more billable work.  The character of those you associate with will undoubtedly affect the boundaries you keep for yourself.  Does that mean we should all stay in sterile circles?  No way!  But there’s a difference in locking arms with people and ministering to them.  I have too often locked arms with those who in turn hold me back.

One such example happened to a new friend of mine, and client.  For the past 3 weeks I’ve been working diligently with a client whose business has been ransacked by a business partner who, from all appearances, has taken my client’s business from being highly successful to insolvent in a matter of months.  I believe my client to be an upstanding person…he has his issues as we all do.  But this client is living proof that locking elbows with bad associations can lead to some really bad outcomes.  As I walked out of my client’s office the other day, I noticed a paperweight on the desk that quoted Proverbs 3:5-6.  I held it up to my client with a smile and said, “we’re gonna be all right.” The paperweight only presents a portion of the quote, but here it is in its entirety: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”

There’s been so much going on in the past 3 weeks in my life personally that I’ve failed on some levels to acknowledge everything God’s blessed me with in my life.  Nothing more poignant than tonight when I sat down to get my iTunes up to date with all the music I wanted to download.  I saw the title “Cinderella” and immediately felt a bulge in my throat.  Some tunes you need to hear to be reminded why you wanted to download it…this one…not at all.  The tune popped straight into my head even though I have only heard the song once.  I truly believe if we learn to be followers, moments like those in this song can be made so much sweeter…imagine what it would be like to not cover for so many pains – but to have them released and our lives freed to continue our walks…can you imagine that?

I have many friends on this email who are going to be hit different ways.  From my brother-in-law whose loss of a friend and recent addition of a first grandbaby, to my dear friend Tony who still struggles with the loss of a newborn, to another friend Yvonne who just watched her baby-girl graduate college, to Jessy who some of you read about in a prior email that has surgery on her brain aneurysm on 6/30 (PLEASE EVERYBODY KEEP HER IN YOUR PRAYERS), to many others of you…this song is gonna hit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g47xuzddYqM

When you come back, I pray that all of you on here will learn in your own way what it is to not only believe, but follow.

And thanks to my very dear friend for keeping me accountable,

With a smile,
Tim

***
Lyrics for “Cinderella”
As performed by Steven Curtis Chapman

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays,
Without a care in the world.
And I’m sittin’ here wearin’ the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It’s been a long day and there’s still work to do,
She’s pulling at me saying “Dad I need you!
There’s a ball at the castle and I’ve been invited and I need to practice my dancin'”
“Oh please, daddy, please!”

So I’ll dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I’ll dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone

She says he’s a nice guy and I’d be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says “Dad, the prom is just one week away,
And I need to practice my dancin'”
“Oh please, daddy, please!”

So I’ll dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I’ll dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone
She will be gone.

Well, she came home today
With a ring on her hand
Just glowin’ and tellin’ us all they had planned
She says “Dad, the wedding’s still six months away
but I need to practice my dancin'”
“Oh please, daddy please!”

So I’ll dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I’ll dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
(even one song)
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone

Hi gang;

It’s been a while.  I certainly hope you all are well and blessed.

I won’t spend much time sugar-coating today – too much, really, is at stake to avoid losing you early in an email.

When the topic of forgiveness comes along, so many of us think we’ve got a good grasp of it.  Some of the best folks I know, though, don’t really do a good job of forgiving their very own self…how about you?

God has blessed me so richly in recent months that it’s hard to get a reasonable enough understanding to put it into words.  Most of you know me well enough to know if I can’t put it in words; it must be really mixed up in my brain!  You’re not far off.

The people I’ve met this year…that is to say, met and/or reconnected with, have so many stories…some of which I’ve shared on here.  I have been reconnected with a very dear friend who lost a long-awaited baby girl at birth.  I’ve met yet another who had two tragic losses in her life over the span of a couple of years.  Another whose brush with death was so real, that she remembers all but the face of the man you could only assume to be either an angel or Jesus Himself telling her that it wasn’t her time to be there yet.  I’ve met one who lost a sweet girl after 10 months of life…and whose twin sister faces very serious surgery in less than 2 weeks from this email.

I keep wondering why…

In a chat the other day with my friend, Tony…I confided some of these very thoughts.  He was the first on that list above.  His ultimate comment was that perhaps this was simply because I’ve experienced my own loss, albeit over 20 years ago now, and somehow I could help folks deal better with it.

As much as I like that thought, I found there was more to it than that…

A very good friend shared this video with me this week…watch it…maybe once today…maybe again in a few days…but watch it.

I don’t remember the timing of everything that happened this week but at some point Wednesday I was so overwhelmed with the emotions of meeting so many who have been dealt some painful cards…overwhelmed with their pain, or what I assumed it should be…that I finally had to walk away from it and drive over to see my dad’s grave.

I spent a few minutes there…saying hi to Dad and Uncle Joe.  I walked over and saw my old classmate, Shane Patterson, who died my senior year in High School in a very tragic traffic accident.  To get to dad’s grave, you’ve got to walk through one of the smaller babies sections of the cemetery.  Because of all the recent activity in my own life, I thought it would be worth strolling through that section…looking at each name and date…

When I got home, I confided to another friend that there had often been times I’ve said that “if I could’ve only been in my dorm room the night that dad called.”

She hit me with it…”Tim, you’ve really got to get past that.”

POW…I think a gust of wind would’ve knocked me over after that.

I never realized that I hadn’t…I didn’t really want to bring him back, I just wanted the chance to tell him I loved him again.  When dad had his last heart attack, mom had been in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner.  There was no noise…no event…she just came around the corner and he was gone.  She never knew about a time of death but approximated it by a phone bill she got the next billing cycle.  There she saw an entry for somewhere around 7:30 PM the night dad died…to my dorm room.  I had a walk the next morning in my 8:00 am class so I wasn’t in my dorm studying…wait, I really don’t remember studying much anyway, but for sure I wasn’t there that night.  (sorry, mom!).

I was introduced to Diamond Rio song that I think I’ve probably heard before…but this week especially…it meant more.  The song is called One More Day…the lyrics are at the bottom of this email.  It’s so true the thought…that all I’d want if I could turn back and tell Pops I loved him, is to have another day.  The days have to end somewhere, the memories don’t.

Most of the emotions behind these feelings are guilt.  I’ve said before that guilt is in no way a tool of God.  Never.  Guilt is a very damaging tool that the evil forces fighting God’s kingdom can use to very easily derail us on our roads to glorifying God.  I really thought I had a good grip on that until my friend’s comment.  Rather than refute it…which of course was my initial reaction, I asked her what she meant.  I know well enough that others can often see in us what we can’t see in ourselves.  Wanting April 14, 1988 back just so I could selfishly have some sort of closure by telling Pops I loved him…why?  What’s that gonna do that I can’t already do right here…today?  It’s selfishness…it’s guilt…it’s many bad emotions wrapped together in a nice little pity package.

By all means, it’s okay to miss dad.  By all means, it is not only okay but expected that I still have very strong emotions for him.  But beating myself up because I didn’t take the time to tell him I loved him?  Beating myself up for rushing him out of my way before I left on my senior choir trip because I had responsibilities to tend to – only to come home to see him crying on the kitchen table?  I’m sure I could conjure up so many guilt-ridden stories related to my old man, we’d all be in tears.

It does no good.  I’ll never move on.  I’ll never experience ALL that God is trying to give me if I don’t move on.  That video above explains it all without a single word.  Christ came to die for our sins…to erase shame, guilt, and any other ill-effects of bad decisions we’ve made along the way.  Accepting that gift from above only half-way isn’t accepting God’s grace to its fullest.

I think I’ve been a pretty good Christian guy along the way, but this week I realized just how far away I am from where I want to be.  Thanks to all my friends, old and new, for opening my eyes a little, there.

It’s a beautiful day today – enjoy it…and if things are nagging you underneath it all, get it out there, clear it, and move on.  That is what it takes to really feel God’s Grace.

Folks, in closing, I’d like to share the story of that friend whose twin sister is facing surgery.  I’ll keep it brief.  Jessy is a 32 year old mother of 2 living in Wisconsin.  Jessy was a Division I collegiate swimmer…very active…very athletic.  Jessy’s also a very strong Christian woman…knowing and expecting a miracle just as the rest of us are.  Not too long ago, doctors discovered an operable brain aneurysm that is now about 6mm in diameter.  Only by reading some of her old Facebook posts am I able to understand that typically the medical profession operates when the size gets to 4mm.  This week, Jessy’s surgery date was set for June 13.  Between this very second and mid-June, please lift Jessy up in prayer every time you think about it.  Go home and squeeze your kids and your loved ones and remember Jessy.  Go to your churches and put her on prayer lists.  Please do everything you can.  For her, she can’t wait to start exercising again…this is just a temporary restraint.  I love her faith and hope to have that much every day in my own life.

I wish you all peace like never before…and please, forgive yourselves.  If God could forgive you, who are you to override Him?

Tim

***
Lyrics from Diamond Rio’s One More Day

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn’t ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

Chorus

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I’d do, is pray for time to crawl
Then Id unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I’d hold you every second
Say a million I love yous
That’s what I’d do, with one more day with you

Chorus

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day

Well, for those celebrating this holiday weekend, I wish you the best of celebrations.  For those who don’t, I certainly wish you well also.

I have 15 new folks reading this tonight, and would like to say a special welcome to those friends…mostly from Facebook, etc.  For the newbies, I want to quickly introduce you to my secret passion for writing.  I’m sure somewhere down the line, I’ll start hitting the junk mail for many who receive these, but if what inspires me from time to time also has a chance at impacting your life, then I certainly want to share it.

Tonight I wanted to tell you about a memory that has been weighing strongly on me the past 24 hours.  Interestingly, I was rather surprised to find that this was Easter weekend today – during tax season, my head gets buried in crunching out tax returns.  The reason it’s interesting is because the memory that has been weighing so strongly was a musical performance that the church I grew up in (First Baptist Carrollton) put on to showcase its new monster-organ.  The title of the piece was “The Seven Last Words of Christ.” Interesting because the reason it has been weighing so strongly had nothing to do with Easter, but more on that later.  First, I want to go over those words and what they mean to me tonight.  Before I continue, I would like all of you to know that it was only one of these words that weighed on me…I’ve had to search back to remember the other 6.  I hope you enjoy my translation.  And, just a note, my current minister is copied on this email and I assure you he will lay no claim to my translation – I just like him to read my stuff so he can grit his teeth…  Love ya, Dennis!

Please note, these are not in any particular order.

The first saying comes from Matthew 27:46 says (NRSV) “And about three o’clock Jesus cried with a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’that is, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'”  Even Jesus felt abandoned by God.  It said that as God placed the sins of the world on Jesus, he had to turn away from Jesus.  Any doubt that Jesus was human, especially in this respect?

The second saying comes from Luke 23:34 which says “Then Jesus said, ‘Father forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.'”  In the Christian faith, we recognize Jesus as the Messiah.  Many of the time did not, for at least a few reasons.  Even in the midst of hanging from a cross, doomed to death, tolerating a crowd mocking Him to have His glorious angels come and rescue him, etc., Jesus asked his Father in Heaven (who recall had turned away momentarily from Him) to forgive the crowd…saying that they really didn’t understand who He was.  Whether Christian or not, isn’t this a great lesson for all of us…I’ve got an easy one…how about road rage?  I’m laughing as I type this because mom (who is also on here) has been an HOV passenger a few times when I haven’t cared much for the moron who just cut me off…why can’t any of us just let it go?  Forgive them…they don’t know what it is they’re doing…and even if they do, you know better!

The third saying comes from just a few moments later in Luke 23:43 where Jesus responds to one of the criminals hanging beside him who had chided the other criminal for almost mocking Jesus saying that they were both criminals, but Jesus had done nothing wrong.  To this man “He replied, ‘Truly I tell you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.'”  Even at the hour of his death, the criminal recognized not only who Jesus was but what He was about.  Jesus rewarded faith, even at the time of the criminal’s death, with passage into Heaven.  At my lowest, I can tell you the times have been few and far between when I have recognized any such thing.  I typically bog down in the pity party and continue to wonder why I’ve been abandoned.  Jesus, apparently had gotten over it…and moved on…and continued doing the work He was on this earth to do.  Does that strike any of you funny?

The fourth saying comes John 19:26-27 which tells us, “When Jesus saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved standing beside her, He said to His mother, ‘Woman, here is your son.’ Then He said to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.”  Even in the hour of death, Jesus made sure the care of His earthly mother, who He undoubtedly loved, was taken care of after His death.  What compassion, huh?  I make mom work for me at the practice…I tell everybody I’m keeping her alive…is that compassion?  I love you, mom!  Just pickin’ on you!!!

The fifth saying from John 19:28 says, “After this, when Jesus knew that all was now finished, He said (in order to fulfill the scripture), ‘I am thirsty.'”  It had been told in the Psalms that when the Savior was thirsty, He would be provided vinegar as opposed to water.  Psalm 69:21 said “They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst.” This was strictly to fulfill a prophecy…to fulfill a duty in other words.  In your darkest hour, are you worried about duty?  Hanging from a cross barely able to breathe with the weight of your body pushing the breath from your gut like an elephant on your chest, do you care about duty?  I think I’d be a big crybaby.

The sixth saying comes from Luke 23:46 when “Jesus, crying with a loud voice, said, ‘Father, into your hands I commend my Spirit!'”  At this point, Jesus has realized He is only a few moments away from death.  Rather than panic, curse, or anything else He could’ve done, He turned it over to God – God had accepted his sacrifice…which in the Christian faith is that Christ had died to serve as atonement for all our sins.  Wow.

The seventh and last saying of Christ comes from John 19:30 which says, “When Jesus had received the wine [vinegar], He said, ‘It is finished.’ Then He bowed His head and gave up His Spirit.”  Not much to say there…

When my church put on this production, they drew from the strength of voices in that very large Sanctuary Choir.  The piece requires 4 soloists, one from each voice part.  Rip, our music minister, chose Judy Chapman and Martha Smith to cover the ladies’ parts.  These two, to this day, are probably two of the best female voices I’ve ever heard.  Just beautiful.  He chose Martha’s husband Gary to sing the bass.  Gary had played for the Oakland Raiders…and while I knew I could take him out, I was no match for his ability to sing low.  That man could sing WAY LOW.  Gary was one of the nicest guys at the church too – so it was perfect.  Gary sang the song for the seventh saying – It is Finished.  It was amazing.  They hit the low notes on that organ and that gigantic new sanctuary shook!  Our choir director did feel a need to call on an outside influence to sing tenor.

In 7th grade, I had the pleasure of meeting Ted Polk…fortunately for good reasons.  You didn’t want to meet Mr. Polk for bad reasons…he was the Assistant Principal at DeWitt Perry Junior High.  Mr. Polk was a LARGE man, in both height and width.  He was a loving, caring, man…and could demand attention in a room by just his presence.  Years before becoming an Assistant Principal, Mr. Polk had taught choir at RL Turner High School.  He also was the song leader for Farmers Branch Church of Christ for many years, a path his very own son, and my classmate, Steven, would follow after we graduated from high school.  Ted was hilarious…known for practical jokes and having a killer look in his eyes that would lead you on forever even in the midst of nervous laughter.  I got to know the Polk family well…even dating one of his daughters at one point.  I watched the man in action for at least 2 years.

I often think of that performance…of the taboo that Rip broke by having the feared Church of Christ come sing at a Southern Baptist church (do we really care about those boundaries…really?), of Gary belting out the low notes, Martha singing so richly, Judy with that beautiful soprano voice coming out over the balcony in the back, that organ played by David Lacefield that just sounded worth every penny the church spent on it.  But I’ll never forget watching Mr. Polk – no man could sing like he could…he never missed a note (except in rehearsal – which was always fun) and he was able to tell you the story with his face while every muscle in his body contracted to hit the pitch.  Ted Polk was a beautiful man.

But believe it or not, none of that was the inspiration for me writing tonight.  Many of you know of the stuff I’ve been through for the past several years.  Suffering the ups and downs of a marriage in limbo and really creating drama along the way to make something work that almost couldn’t.  Last night, Scottie and I settled the final details of our divorce – a process that has been 3 years in the making.  Just so you know, I’ve copied her on here as well – she enjoys reading these little rants from time to time, and I want her to faithfully believe there will be no more hard feelings.  I hung up the phone with her last night, with the last detail settled, and whispered to myself, “It is Finished.” While I would hardly compare my roller coaster with the death of the Christian Savior, I will tell you this, going through and rereading all those phrases – and giving my thoughts along the way, has certainly stirred my spirit as well.  Could I have been better the past 3 years…yes…by all means yes.  Could I have been more respectful to myself, and others?  Absolutely.  Is it ever too late to start – well, I tell you what friends, when you get to heaven one day, go ask that criminal that hung next to Jesus…it is NEVER too late.

As I typed in those phrases, my daughter, who’d been nagging at me to play Battleship with her – lol – asked what I was doing.  I handed her my Bible and asked her to start looking up these references so she could read them to me while I typed.  Folks, I’ve been a great dad…but I’ve done a miserable job in raising my kids in faith.  She, a 2nd grade girl, had to flip through pages – sometimes chunks at a time, to find any of these books in the Bible.  It was the kick I needed to tie this letter down.

I really didn’t know where I’d go with this…but when my own daughter struggled to find Bible verses when she can tell you all about stuff I don’t think we learned about until 5th or 6th grade – well, that to me was a reflection on my own failure as a dad.  The nice thing folks, I’m not that criminal…as far as I know, my death is not pending.  I still have time to correct that error.  Are there things in your life where these 7 last words could talk or speak to you?  Forget the season…I’m talking about every day…surely you can find an application or two.

I leave you with this…every one of you is on my prayer list…I hope you’ll remember me on yours.  I love each of you in a very special way…some bound by old high school memories, some by very new friendships, some by family ties, etc.  I wish each and every one of you not only a Happy Easter, but a lifetime of happiness.  Roller coasters are no fun…especially emotional ones.

Scottie, thanks for the friendship…I hope we can co-parent these two kids the way we are promising each other we can.  Steven, thanks for allowing me to blubber on about your dad.  Having lost mine, I know how it feels to miss him…just know I miss your old man too.  And to everybody else,

Peace
Tim

Hello everyone and Happy April!  For those who don’t know, my sister is celebrating her birthday in a couple of days so sister, happy birthday!  If anybody can identify with today’s rant, she can.  She became a grandmother a couple of months ago – and that made mom a great-grandmother.  My favorite Alan Jackson song is one called “Time Marches On.”  Boy, does it ever.

I was in Frisco today dropping off some information and decided to take a trip down Main Street…through the city where I first inhabited my very own house.  I remember the salesperson for Centex telling Scottie and me that we’d be out of there within 2-3 years.  We said “no way” – we’re not getting a 3500sf house built for a future family and leaving it well before we intend on having that family!  We’re long-haul thinkers.  I never can remember if it was 2-1/2 or 3-1/2 years later, we moved to our first house in Coppell.  I guess the guy knew what he was talking about.  But Frisco has changed a bunch since 1994 when we moved in.  I was almost lost twice.  I knew if I just held on to main street, I’d eventually run in to Brinkmann’s Ranch and then I’d be okay.  Sure enough, I did.  Funny how big everything seems now.  Before it was mostly fields so you spent more time gazing ahead than you did at the buildings now crowding the road.  As I passed the Ranch, I kept a close eye on the Nav system because I knew I needed to find Hillcrest somewhere in the mix.  Sure enough, there it was…I turned right.  The first familiar sight was a commercial property lease sign for Stacy Standridge.  I laughed.  I hadn’t heard or thought of Stacy in years…For those who don’t know, Standridge Stadium, where the Carrollton schools play, was named after the former mayor of Carrollton Tommy Standridge.  Stacy, I believe, was the youngest son, but don’t hold me to that.  Anyway, Tommy owned and operated Standridge Insurance Agency, which after his death and his wife’s subsequent sale, became Carrollton Insurance Agency.  Why do I know so much about that?  Because mom and one other lady were the two folks who ran that office.  I remember one time going in there, and Tommy got up and made me sit behind his big desk.  It looked out over as far as I’d ever seen before, even though it was only 3 stories up.  I think Tommy may be the first person I ever remember who died…that or one of my cousins…but I’m pretty sure it was Tommy.  I remember being pretty upset, pretty confused, etc.  And you know what?  Time marched on…

Going pretty slowly south on Hillcrest, I looked at every street name…nothing familiar.  What used to be a 2-lane bumpy pot-hole road up to Brinkmann’s Ranch was now 4 lanes paved and well-manicured.  I guess that’s to be expected.  THERE IT WAS….JEREME TRAIL.  I always thought that was an odd spelling for Jeremy!  I turned on and slowly crept by the streets.  Where had all these trees come from?  Slowly the street names came back to life.  Finally there it was, Belle Chasse…I turned left.  Slowly down the street, I could remember one family after another.  I remember a couple, I think their names were Bob and Jenna…they had the sweetest little girl.  As with many of us out in the land of the lost, we all worked far away so yardwork was a weekend chore.  One weekend after Bob had been out of town for a couple of weeks, Jenna told us about how she and her daughter were driving in to the house and the daughter said, “Mom!  Look at all the pretty flowers!” – they were dandelion weeds.  That was a great memory.  Then, I recognized Hub and Lisa’s house.  Wait, no, not that one, the next one.  Wait, if that was theirs then this was ours.  I was lost in my own neighborhood – until I saw the address plate.  The next house was ours.  There it was.  Our little trees were huge.  I barely stopped…in fact I don’t think I did stop.  At the next street I took a right.  I remember still when this street was completely undeveloped.  You couldn’t look anywhere now where there wasn’t a house.  I squared around and made my way back to Jereme…deciding to look at the back of our house from the golf course.  Yep, just as I remembered.  Life then seemed like such a pain…driving Preston Road all the way to downtown Dallas for work every day.  Scottie traveled a bunch then…so Coppell seemed logical.  In Frisco, time certainly hasn’t stood still since we left.  Everything is there…everything…including a minor league ball club…and several major shopping attractions.  Unbelievable really.  Time marched on…

Most of you know I don’t pretend to be a Bible thumper.  I believe in it, I read it, but I don’t do that regularly.  Last night, with tons of worry mounting about the coming divorce, the future effect on the kids, the worries about how to make my business profitable and successful, the nagging of just about every fear you can imagine, I flopped open my Bible.  I’ve described this method to a few who have laughed, “That’s no way to do a Bible study!” To them, I suggest Matthew 7:1!  Ha!  I believe there are few coincidences in life, if any.  Last night, Matthew 6 flopped open.  To all who have a Bible, read this sometime…in fact, read it through to Matthew 7:1.  It talks about how we are to act.  It talks about how we should meditate.  It gives great advice about how to help our fellow man.  And most of all, it tells us not to worry.  Any time I have the feeling that time is slipping away too fast, I remind myself that worrying about things doesn’t really help it along and if anything, I lose time on more valuable pursuits…such as playing with my kids while they still care to play with the old man.

Well interestingly enough, a very good old friend of mine, Margot, sent me the email below…take the time to read it.  If you don’t already have your own story of what losing time will do to you, think about that of the famous violinist Joshua Bell.  This is an inspiring story…one that really stokes the fire behind my usual carpe diem-styled messages.  Time marches on folks – grab it while you can!

By the way, I’ve copied a couple of new people today – so I hope you enjoyed it.  Welcome aboard!

Thanks, and as always,
Peace
Tim

***

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning.  He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes.  During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing.  He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.  A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.  A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again.  Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy.  His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist.  Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time.  This action was repeated by several other children.  All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while.  About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace.  He collected $32.  When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it.  No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.  No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world.  He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.  Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story.  Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.  The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty?  Do we stop to appreciate it?  Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing some of the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing in life?

***

Good morning everyone!

Well, it happened…I turned 40.  Good thing is, I’m still alive.  My back gave out over the weekend, but I think it was related more to wrestling with Ward and Scottie than age, who knows!  We had a fun time between all the food celebrations, soccer games, and kids’ choice awards, etc.  I’m ready for a nap – that’s for certain!

A friend of mine asked me an intriguing question yesterday – and it caught me a little off guard.  But you know, I realized in giving my answer that maybe some of my own personal growth (counselor-assisted and otherwise – haha!) is starting to work.  The question was this, “What’s the difference between feeling your feelings and having a pity party?”

Great question, huh?  Some of you may find an obvious answer to this, but to some, this may be a completely gray area for you.  It was for me for a long time.

You hear about the fine line between being rich and broke.  Or the fine line between love and hate.  Or even the fine line between sanity and the loony bin.  If all these lines are so fine, how the heck have I managed to come out on what I’d consider the “better” side?  I think the answer to the query above could be, in some minds a very fine line, but when you really sit down and take a closer look, you’ll see a canyon of difference between the two sides.

To me the answer, now, is fairly simple.  And as a quick side note, I, by no means, am immune to the pity party.  Most of you know I LOVE to throw parties – especially if I get to cook – but pity parties usually aren’t all that well attended!  Anyway, to me, the “fine line” between feeling your feelings and having a pity party is how much you are victimized by the feeling.  In other words, when we choose to allow an event/person/etc get us in a sad state, some go so far as to blame that event/person/etc for their emotion.  It’s not to say that perhaps there is some blame to be laid…but the more dramatic side of us will kick in and start talking in absolutes: “I never get my way”, “I’m always the last one”, “When is it going to be my turn”, etc.  For some of us, this rather childish reaction to not-so-good emotions is the only way we know to deal with the bad things that happen in life.

I’m the last one to say hold in your feelings.  I really don’t think this is a good way to cope.  There may be times we need to manage those feelings until we have a safe place to let it out, but that doesn’t mean throwing a pity party.  The need to blame someone else is really a way around truly feeling the feelings and emotions of everyday life.  It’s a route to anger…many of us feel if we can just get mad about something, it’ll change.  That’s crazy!

We all have the power to make choices…we do it every day.  Right this very second, I’m making a choice to get something off my mind in an email rather than burying my head in a mound of work that is calling with a deadline attached.  We also have the power over our feelings…some of us don’t feel that way…our emotions power us rather than the other way around.  To me, this is not a fine line…far from it.  Imagine if you could condition yourself to feel an emotion and then let it pass regardless of the severity of the matter.  It doesn’t mean you don’t pay it valid attention, but it does mean you feel it, deal with it, and move on…no allowing things to linger…this is when emotions drive us.

For those who believe in a higher being, I put it this way to my friend:  You have the power to make choices…God-given power.  Playing what-about-me is blaming God for not giving you the power.

Is that really what you want to do?

For my friend it was eye-opening.  For me it was as well.  When I sit and write these little rants, I may appear to come off as having this stuff licked.  For any of you who think that, there are a couple of books I could send you on not making assumptions.  Much of what I write in these emails is therapeutic for me.  It may be clinically unsound, but, at the same time, I’m not trying to be clinical.  I’m really offering something up that may mean something to someone.

I think most of you know (and if not, well, now you do) that Scottie and I have been playing around with the idea of a divorce for over 3 years now.  We are truly in the last stages of completing everything and I would imagine it’ll be final within a week or two.  The papers are filed, the cooling off period is over, it’s just down to us 2 and the kids (and our attorneys).  I have met some great friends, or, better, reconnected with some great GREAT people over the past two months.  Their divorces were like horror stories.  Some are on here…they’re nodding right now.  I knew these people over 20 years ago and, while you’d never wish anything on anyone, it was amazing to think these sorts of things could actually happen to them.  These are great GREAT people.  We all had fun, laughed, acted silly, and whatever teenagers do together just like kids do.  How could their life steer into such crazy events and mine really be relatively unscathed?  Moreover, how could I ever consider my personal dramas to be any greater than theirs…and in fact, shouldn’t I consider mine less?

You’ve heard the adage…there’s always somebody who’s better…well folks, there’s also always somebody who’s had it worse.  But you know what, they’re not victims.  Perhaps they once saw themselves that way, but they’re take-the-bull-by-the-horns people and they did just that.  All of them came from similar backgrounds, and all pretty much relied on those religious roots for baseline strength.  I bring these “survivors” up because I have often felt a victim in my marriage.  Some of you have known me for a long time and know the situation.  I played a ton of poor-me games over the years.  A man I worked for back in 1999 suggested to me one time that I used the victim defense too often.  I had no idea what he meant.  Ten years later, I fully realize when it’s happening – the times when I slip into that zone.  I’m also happy to report that it happens less and less now.  I no longer feel like a victim in my marriage.  I had the power to choose and I did choose what I have.  And without that choice, I wouldn’t have the two incredibly beautiful, smart, loving children I do.  And what’s more, their mother is a great parent too.  We just have some very different beliefs and never took the time over the years to iron those out…not to mention some not-so-good recent history.

But no victims here.  Not anymore.  I’ve grown out of that.  I’m ready to move on.  I’m ready to live the way I always harp on in these notes…seizing the day, etc.  I don’t want to waste time any more.  Life is there for the grabbing.

It’s time to take responsibility for your power and grab life – don’t you think?
Be peaceful
Tim

Hi gang,

It’s been a while since I’ve been inspired…well, at least for me.  Some of you may be thinking, “oh great, here he goes again.”  I’ll remind you as always, the delete key is available for you at any time.

Some of you know I’ve become a Shazam junkie…it’s a neat little application on the iPhone that allows you to capture music you want downloaded for your regular listening pleasure.  So whether I’m at a Stars/Mavs game, standing at the gas station, walking through a store, or just sitting in a crazy restaurant somewhere that plays its music too loud, I can hit a button and within a few seconds have the title, artist, and iTunes reference to whatever’s playing over the speaker.  It’s very cool.

One such song was “You Found Me” by The Fray.  As I do on emails where I reference anything, the words are at the end of this message.  Probably most, if not all, of you have heard this song…you may even know that it says “God” on at least 2 occasions in the song.  It’s an interesting tune that I found a neat history for on Wikipedia.  Essentially, the artist wrote the song while experiencing one of those times in life where every piece of news seems to be bad, and on a very personal level.  I think we’ve all had those times.  I think an interesting overtone of the song is this theme that this guy was “found” – but just a little too late.

When those circumstances came along in life, did you sit back and wonder where the divine inspiration was in your life?  Did you question even the very existence of God or any sort of omnipotent being?  Did you even get so frustrated, you wanted to do what this artist said he wanted to in the interview – which was an imaginary confrontation with God so he could “take him out”?  I’m sure we’ve all had some sort of experience with this…on some level.

Okay, so three easy paragraphs in, and some of you see I’ve hit two out of three topics and wonder where facebook comes in…it’s easy.  A little over a month ago, I got in on the movement.  Tonight, I think I have 76 “friends” – or people who at the very least I remember their name.  Some of them are copied on this email tonight.  I wanted to share with you what this one tool has done for me that so many others have failed to do.

One of my 2 best friends growing up was a guy by the name of Tony.  I envied this guy like nobody’s business.  I mean, he was one of those smart AND good looking guys.  It drove me nuts…I mean, I could take him out on most of the intellectual stuff…but it was always a competition.  But he had the chicks.  Oh my gosh, this guy had ’em lined up.  Oh yeah, he was athletic as hell.  The guy played every sport well…even though he looked lanky sometimes in his method.  The dude could shoot, he could catch a football, he was fast, he played both sides of baseball well.  There was nothing this guy couldn’t do.  Oh, and Tony’s mom was Tex Schram’s secretary, so he had the ability back in the pre-Jerry-Jones days to take us out there and workout where the big guys did.  It was insane.  He was the best friend a young guy could have.

For 14 years I’ve lived less than 20 miles from Tony and we’ve not seen each other since the night of his wedding, and before meeting through Facebook a few weeks ago, we had only talked maybe 3 or 4 times.  We got hooked up on Facebook (FB) recently and I talked to him around the first of February.  He and his wife Lisa were expecting a long-awaited little girl…Tony was ecstatic.

On Monday, February 16th, my mom, who still attends the church I grew up in, received a funeral notification in her email box.  Tony and Lisa had experienced what no one wants to ever experience…Ella Grace had died in the womb from a complication and thus went the dream.

The song repeats the phrase “Where were you” at the beginning of many phrases.  And while many of us experienced a head-spinning realization, Tony and Lisa, I feel sure, were asking that same question.  Nobody has answers, folks…but I gotta hand it to my friend for one other thing.  I emailed him a very personal email after the funeral service…mostly apologizing I couldn’t have been better about being there the past 13-14 years.  In an email back to me, Tony said one thing that stuck me in the heart (in a good way).  The gist was this: “I may never know or understand why God took Ella from us this way, but if losing her means getting an old friend back, then at least I’ll understand there was a plan.”

The chorus repeats, “You Found Me, You Found Me” –

How?  How does a man in the middle of so much turmoil find that kind of presence or peace?  I think I’m starting to understand a little better.  I remember a guy in daycare, Steve Robinson I think was his name…he’s a missionary now…a real one.  Nobody funds him…he just does it.  Steve used to sing that song “They’ll know we are Christians by our love” with passion like nobody you’ve ever seen.  For my non-Christian friends out there, it’s just a song that really says there’s no need to TALK about our faith, but more, we need to ACT out, or WALK our faith.  That kind of presence will show people who we are…basically, an actions speak louder than words kind of song.

Three times in the past month, I got the chance to do something special…2 instances where I was able to help an elderly person right in front of me (one fell coming out of the American Airlines Center, and another who had a flat tire), and the third through FB.  When that email came from Mom, I jumped on FB and alerted all my old high school friends what had happened.  Immediately, those out of town began sending Tony support messages.  There were at least 5-6 of us at the funeral.  I don’t mention any of these to brag, but more to explain what I’m coming to understand.

The weave between knowing there’s a God, a song, and Facebook is pretty simple.  Really, the existence of God is within all of us.  We have a chance every day to lend a hand, to make someone’s day, to heal, to cleanse, to do whatever it is we want to do.  The choice is ours…and that’s where, for so many years, I’ve not made all the right choices.  Maybe I didn’t make terrible choices or anything like that, but choosing not to put effort in to keeping a friendship alive was not the best choice.  Choosing to take it easy rather than work at something a little harder is probably not the best avenue either.  They say to give what it is you want to receive.  The Bible even says Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You.  Do you do that?  I don’t…I kinda live this privileged life that says, “hey…you do unto me first and then I’ll pay it back.”  We end up in a whilrwind of people wishing for something nice to happen that never comes.  These days of inactivity lead to years of resentment, building…building…building…until one day….POP.

Here’s my encouragement for you: The next time one of those fleeting thoughts enters your brain of something nice you could do or say to another person…CAPTURE IT! Then do it.  Don’t worry what the person will say or think of you.  Don’t do it for reaction or anything else.  Just do it.  I promise you, not only will they know who and what you are…but finally, you might know the very same thing about yourself.  You will unlock a door that may have too long ago been sealed shut.  And you know an easy place to start?  With old friends…maybe folks you’ve not talked to in a while, or some you talk to every day.  When is the last time you told them thanks for their friendship?

I firmly believe, if you want to feel good in your life, you have to put a little bit in to making life good for those around you.  And everyone loved the movie Pay It Forward because it’s a message so many of us grew up with, but you know what…it never hurts to pay it back sometimes too.

So on that note, I just want to say…
Tony, I love you, man.  I’m sorry…so sorry for your loss.  I don’t ever want to lose you again, though, my friend.  Thanks for showing me what this was about – whether you knew you did or not.

You found me.  You found me.
Peace
Tim

****
You Found Me
by The Fray

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, “Where’ve you been?”  He said, “Ask anything.”

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?  Where were you?  Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who’s ever known
Who I am, who I’m not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?  Where were you?  Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I’ve been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you?  Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?  Where were you?  Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

Why’d you have to wait, to find me, to find me?
***

An old boss of mine used to repeat an old corollary to the General Managers of our region…he’d say “never mistake activity for progress.”  Although he used it as an encouragement to these managers to not be misled by the busy bees in their respective offices, I’ve, on several occasions, tried to apply it in my business.  The success of such an endeavor can only be measured by real results.

But today, I noticed a much different application.  There is a certain internal drum to which we all march…different for all of us, of course, but it exists in all of us as well.  In my own life, at precise times requiring much of my attention, I have often sought comfort in a variety of things.  Whether it was golf, reading, going to the store, comfort eating, or whatever…these actions were nothing more than my placing activity in the way of progress.  You see, some people can march in a straight line with their personal drumbeats, others…well not-so-straight.

Many of you know the turmoils I’ve been through not only in recent years, but probably the past 20+ years.  How much was true turmoil and how much was a drama that I created and became dedicated to?  I’m not really sure there’s a way to quantify that.  But I can tell you one thing…it didn’t just exist, it was the way I lived.

Just as referring to a map (or plugging in a destination on the Nav system) is determining the roadmap to a destination, this realization is just the beginning of the journey…a small part of a much bigger realization.  To self-actualize dreams of life, we first must submit ourselves to these types of realizations.  And once a turn is noted, we then must leave that spot and continue in a more straight-forth path to the next realization…much like we stop to refill the car on longer journeys.  I now can look back and know that there have already been several pit-stops on my personal journey.  I see the different things I’ve learned along the way, and because of those experiences, I KNOW without a doubt there are activities that have already taken place in my life where I’ve yet to realize the lessons they’ve presented.

I am thankful to children’s movies for inspiring me sometimes…tonight’s was “Kung Fu Panda”.  After the laughing dies down, think of this…the Panda realizes in becoming the Dragon Warrior that this magic scroll that supposedly contains a master secret actually contains nothing.  The Panda’s father reveals that the “secret ingredient” in his famous noodle recipe is….nothing.  The realization at a key point is that there is no special secret ingredient in achieving success.  The only real ingredient is belief in oneself…or better said, faith.

I do believe that a belief in a higher power is a necessity in getting through life.  But even Jesus challenged the believers to have faith the size of a mustard seed, and having such faith could move mountains.  Peter’s difficulty in walking on the water was because he didn’t really believe he could do it.  But when he had faith, he was saved from rough waters.

Often we let fears rule the boxes we live in.  Think about it, every day we go about the things that are comfortable to us.  We may envy some around us who do more, have more fun, have more, etc., but often the only difference is a certain fear we have about actually breaking out of the box.  Often you have heard the first part of FDR’s famous quote, but hear it all the way through (and bear in mind some of the circumstances are eerily similar to today) “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

So when my fear was the greatest, I substituted unnecessary activity.  I became a busy bee.  I watched TV, played on the computer, got involved in games, got involved in other peoples’ problems, or whatever I could do to take the focus off my own issues and essentially hope the things I feared most would take care of themselves.  Distractions are easy escapes, but they cause a great many detours in life.  The most direct path from point A to point B is a straight line…no distractions, no detours.

It’s time to wipe out the fear.  It’s time to have faith.  It’s time to be, to do, to have.  And most of all, it’s time to reflect on all we’ve learned, all we’ve gained, all we’ve been able to experience thus far and give thanks.

The impetus for this email is pretty simple.  Each of you have contributed along the way in some form or fashion.  You know I have loved the theme behind the movie “Pay it Forward” although I never saw it.  I grew up with that concept.  But you know what, as part of being grateful, I think it sure helps to pay it back sometimes too.  Sometimes a simple word can strike up a new realization in someone’s life.  Sometimes, a simple “Thank You” will change someone’s day, perhaps their life.  And as a favorite of mine, Zig Ziglar used to say, you can change the scenery of your life by changing the picture in which you are living.

I am thankful to each of you for being a part of my life, a part of my growth.

Remember, “a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”  What will your first step be?

Best
Tim

Hi everybody;

For those who don’t know, I’m locked away in a hotel room in California tonight…I’ve been here since December 10th and leave out in 2 more days.  I can’t wait to come home.

Some of you have never seen this kind of email from me, and some may wonder what kool-aid I’ve been drinking…but from time to time we come across things that may say something we never imagined.  Tonight was one of those for me, and I just wanted to share it – take it for what it’s worth.

I’ve attached a link below that, against my best intentions, wouldn’t allow me to copy the text into this email…probably better that way though.  I had been sitting in this hotel room watching a TBS version of Christmas Vacation, and laughing pretty hard about some of our own family humor in that.  When that completed, I flipped over to Bill Cosby in that sitcom where he played Dr. Huckstable.  I didn’t really pay all that close attention to what was going on, and whammo, I notice that he’s got MLK’s famous “I have a dream” speech going.  You know, many of you were alive when that thing happened – I wasn’t.  My history classes really maybe covered a paragraph of that speech.  The link below gives you the entire text of that speech.  And if you’ve got seventeen and a half minutes, watch the video.

While I would argue that much of what he pushed for 43 years ago is still a problem for the races today, try to read it with a different set of eyes.  Forget blacks and whites.  Forget what history taught and look at this sermon from a different angle.  Many of us, a great many of us, are saddled up with a heavy load right now.  Many of us feel oppression to the point where we just don’t know how much more we can bare.  Many of us may not admit to ourselves or others how heavy our load really is.  But at some point, few of us feel very free.

The sixth paragraph down (that starts, “We have come to this hallowed spot…”) tonight hit me in a way that it never has.  Throughout this speech, substitute the racial oppression with whatever oppresses you…again, no slight to the fact that this speech still applies nearly verbatim today.  But as with any great minister, Dr. King gave something to all of us.  They came to that spot to remind us “of the fierce urgency of Now.”  He goes on to say, “This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.  Now is to the time to make real the promises…”  So where does that hit you?

There’s a Kenny Loggins song that I’ve had in my head for nearly a year – called “Conviction of the Heart.”  In one set of the lyrics, he says “where were the dreams that we once had?  Isn’t it time to bring them back?  What were the promises we held on the tips of our tongues?”  So 4 days in front of Christmas – which all but a couple on this email celebrate, what were the promises to yourself that have yet to be fulfilled?  Is now the time to bring them back?  Is now the time to take on those dreams and accomplish them with the fierce urgency of now?

2006 has been challenging to all of us in different ways.  We can stay victim to those challenges or we can recognize what “now” is all about.  Some of you have heard my more recent motto: If we spend all our time rehashing yesterday, we miss out on today…if we spend too much time looking way out in front, we trip over what’s right in front of us…today (now) is all we know…grab now.

I hope all of you have a happy holiday, and I hope all of you find some resolutions for 2007 that you can stick to for longer than I did with my weight loss target for 2006!

I care about each of you in a special way – thanks for taking the time to read through this.

Tim

And, here’s the link…
http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm