Composers from Verdi to Mozart and Howard Hanson to John Rutter have composed a version of Lux Aeterna…but my favorite is the one composed by Rutter in his Requiem composed over 20 years ago now.  I’ve listened to its resonance so much in the past few days that I started researching the meaning behind the song.  Simply, Lux Aeterna is Latin for “Eternal Light”.  The song itself translates as follows:

***
I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me: “Blessed are the dead, who die in the Lord, for they rest from their labors…even so saith the Sprit.” Let eternal light shine upon them, O Lord: with Thy saints forever, for thou art merciful.  Grant them eternal rest, O Lord, and may light perpetual shine on them.
***

I found it unusual tonight that my iTunes shuffled directly to the next song by one of my modern-day favorites, Elton John, singing his infamous “Candle in the Wind.” A candle – not an “eternal light” – caught in a tumultuous whipping wind.  The song is a tribute to Marilyn Monroe.  Most know her story – a very troubled life; a woman whose soul was likely FAR from one who “died in the Lord”; a soul that likely never found “eternal rest.” Some of you may remember that Sir Elton rewrote Candle in the Wind especially for Princess (or Lady) Diana’s funeral years ago.  What a stark contrast in personas…but quite possibly, two souls whose deaths were so traumatic in their own rights that eternal rest from such turmoil would be the utmost answer to prayer.

It’s funny really…last weekend I attended Mahler’s Symphony 2 – known as the Resurrection Symphony.  Mahler’s composition is incredible…and, well, truth be told, I saw it twice last weekend.  The first night I read…read the playbill, read the translation from German to English, read about the performers, and the tribute to Eduardo Mata – a past DSO Maestro.  The music was beautiful, and the write-up gave it definition.  The second night…I sat back and watched…listening to the expression of this beautiful piece of poetry.

So why the obsession with Eternal Light, Candles in the Wind, and Resurrection?  Starting off tonight, I wasn’t sure why my most heart-warming music in the past week or so had to do with such heavy topics.  But here we are on Memorial Day Weekend and now it seems to make sense.

This weekend we celebrate those who’ve fallen in the line of duty…helping keep our borders protected, helping keep “the American Dream” alive, helping do what they set out to do…and some, unfortunately, didn’t necessarily do it at their own will.  None of these folks is any more or less noble than the other.  All fought to do what we, as a country, ask them to do…to keep us free to enjoy our freedoms…freedoms that include protesting the very wars they’re involved in, freedoms that include bad-mouthing those who serve in political office, freedoms that include not only the freedom to choose our religions, but the freedoms to exclude ourselves from the spiritual process altogether.  Wait a minute…did I lose anybody there?  There’s a great debate on what our forefathers intended when they sought asylum from an overbearing monarchy across the pond…but do you not think they’d be appalled at what they see today.  From a president who partied his way for 8 years, to a president who babbled his way through another 8 years, to a president whose only credit so far is a best-selling book he had the audacity to call a mantra of hope…is this what the great old US of A was setup to do?  I hardly think so.

My friends, I rarely tackle divisive issues without at least giving an inspiration of some sort…tonight it’s pretty simple.  This is not just a 3-day weekend.  It’s not about hot-dogs, parties, getting caught up on the yardwork, etc.  This is about understanding the difference between an eternal light and a candle in the wind.  Our country is in need of real leadership – and that is not a reference to politicians who all, in some sort or fashion, line their pockets with other peoples’ “interests”.  Nope….this one is about leadership of the sort that Martin Luther King, Jr.  spoke of…a quiet rebellion.  And to say what I’m about to say will likely come across as crass to some, but ask our current president about an audacity such as this.  Right now, our country needs YOUR leadership that can only be found on your knees before God…regularly.  I’m as guilty as any person I address.  I don’t pray enough.  I don’t meditate enough.  I catch myself in my own interests far too often.

Twenty years ago, there seemed to be this constant drumbeat that “Social Security isn’t going to be there for us when we retire!” My friends, I could care less about Social Security at this point…I hope we can all use Memorial Day 2010 to assure that our great United States survive LONGER THAN Social Security.

No politician will fix this country…not an Obama or a Bush, a Palin or a Biden, a Republican, Democrat, Tea Party member, or anything else.  Only the citizens can make this place great again…and that starts with every single one of you.  Let’s start tonight…get on your knees, get in the Word, get right with God, and get moving YOURSELF in the right direction.  It starts with me…it starts with you.

God bless America…and that means, God bless each and every one of you.
Tim

Hi gang;

Well, it’s just past noon on Mother’s Day 2010 and I’ve found peace sitting behind my keyboard to say a few words to all of you.  For those of you who are, or have in the past been mothers, I hope this note resonates especially with you.  As always, welcome to my new friends – yeah, I’m long-winded so save this for later if you need!  😉

One great thing I learned from my dad was that I should treat my lady as if she were a queen.  I guess buried underneath much of that instruction, I took the role as pawn instead of king on many occasions – but that’s been covered and hopefully corrected by now!  What was pretty special, though, is what I saw growing up between my folks.  Dad loved my mom…undoubtedly.  Were things always roses?  Heck no!  But was there ever a doubt?  Nope!

Mom has lived through the passing of two men we all dearly loved.  All 3 of her children have put her through some sort of hell here and there.  I commented to her the other day that I was surprised she was still alive given how much she worries!  Ha!  My mom…hahaha…well, put it this way, my brother and I have this funny little thing we do where we wring our hands over and over and breathe rather rapidly and deeply – a little mimic routine of when Mom gets into worry mode.  It’s a funny family joke – all at the expense of a great mother.  Mom also tends to beat herself up some – something all the family has powerfully challenged over recent years.

Proverbs 31:29-31 says: “‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.  Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”

Hmm…for her reward this morning, Mom helped me move the final items out of my offices…we’re shutting down my office in hopes that going virtual will save us the money we need to stay in business.  A Sunday morning…she skips church to help the son who’s probably worried her the most by far the past few years…on Mother’s Day no less.  In my book, she has earned her reward – she did that decades ago.

When dad passed, I was home nearly every weekend – unless the Aggies were playing a home game.  She thought it was because of a girlfriend at home.  Frankly, mom…I just kinda liked hangin’ out with you and being at the home you had made fit for so many years.

Mom, there’s a song I heard on the way back from the office this morning – and I knew I needed to write this note.  It’s by Jeremy Camp and it’s called Let it Fade.  I hope someday you will be able to live without the worries we all create for you…I hope someday you’ll be able to find rest and take off everything that has loaded you down.  I love you, Mom!  We all do…we always have and we always will.  You’ve got 3 great kids…smart kids…caring kids…as a parent now myself, I’m not sure what more I’d ask for.

Today, I celebrate my mom at the city gate!
Happy Mother’s Day,
Tim

***

Let it Fade by Jeremy Camp

Have you been walking on a surface that’s uncertain?
Have you helped yourself to everything that’s empty?  yeah!
You can’t live this way too long.
There’s more than this, more than this.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?
You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest, you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offer be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offer be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let it fade.

Are you carrying the weight too much?  running from the call?
Let it fade, Oh yeah.

You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?

Hi all,

Another April 15th, another year of reminding myself why I took the dive into my own business.  Most of you know I’m a very social being, and to operate a business in an environment where sometimes the best you can hope for is to just not upset anyone too much (after all, do we really enjoy paying taxes regardless of how much I could “save” you?) – well, that’s a conundrum I really didn’t necessarily think all the way through.

The best part of my life right now, aside from those two incredibly great kiddos of mine, is the learning that takes place almost daily.  The past few years have been an incredible growth opportunity for me in many areas – matters of faith, matters of spirituality, matters of the heart, matters of self-love, etc.  But without a doubt, the most invigorating part of life in the past 18 months has been making (or remaking) some incredibly great friendships.

Whether it’s been through social networking, dating, or just bumping into old friends in odd places, this bedrock of my personality – the social butterfly, that is – has had a great deal of new life literally breathed into it.

I’ve not written much in a while – mostly because I’ve really been doing a much better job of getting focused in 2010 – but have missed many of you because I haven’t taken the time to farm the friendships.

***

My drives home tend to be a time of reflection – usually for the past day, or hour, or whatever.  And, like many of you, I like to turn up the radio and not think about anything except why I’m a much better singer than almost any artist on the radio…ha!  Today, with April 15th in my rearview mirror, I noticed the old Neil Diamond song “Hello Again” playing on Sirius.  Without hesitation I flipped over to the channel.  The words rang louder than almost any song has in a while.

I miss you all…and one of my favorite lines is, “It’s good to need you so.  It’s good to love you like I do, and to feel this way, when I hear you say: ‘Hello'”.  I’m not sure tonight that there’s any more poignant truth for me than that…So many of you wrote on my facebook wall well wishes for my birthday – and I’ve yet to thank each of you personally who did.  The warmth of words should never be underestimated – whether spoken, written, or otherwise.

You know, it’s not news that our words carry so much power.  In at least two of the Bible’s most telling verses, we hear that people are “ensnared” by the words of their own mouths (Proverbs 6:2), and also that the words of a person’s mouth are deep waters (Proverbs 18:4).  If it’s so easy to tear people down or build them up with the words of our mouths, how many times are we also torn down or built up by the words of others?  In keeping with that, how much are we like the tail wagging the dog – allowing opinions, both good and bad, to shape our own psyche?

My own growth this past year has been an effort to move away from being so impacted by the opinions and words…deep waters…coming from other peoples’ mouths and work more on the beauty and/or venom I choose to spread from my own lips on a daily basis.  Understanding that I’m gonna fail almost daily has helped me stay on the horse…but you know what?  The practice is starting to work.

Trust me, I can still be a jerk – but instead of running and hiding from it, I’m better about turning to those I care about (all of you for instance), and saying I’m sorry.  Case in point, I have a great friend I made just over a year ago today who asked for my help.  Now, this is one of those folks who NEVER asks for help…and all I like to do sometimes is help.  The circumstances are unimportant – I was busy with taxes but jumped at the opportunity to help and committed to do so.  The problem was, I failed to do it.  I was in the deep waters…I was ensnared by my own words.  It took me two weeks…TWO freaking weeks of waking up every day feeling terrible about the fact that I had failed.  Every day was worse than the day before.  I remember hearing “Sorry seems to be the hardest word” by Elton John one day and it almost broke me down.  As soon as I made it to a stopping point, I texted my friend that I was sorry.  While it didn’t restore everything back to a perfect friendship – it stopped the bleeding.

And so tonight, driving home…here comes Neil Diamond.  And I thought, yeah…now’s the time.  The words are so true – sometimes it’s just a simple hello that can go a mile for folks…I know it does for me.

We’re almost 1/3 of the way through 2010 – are you accomplishing everything you wanted to?  If not – well – GET AFTER IT!  YOU STILL HAVE TIME!  Thanks for your words – all of you.  Tomorrow’s friday – send those around you off on a good foot for the weekend – choose your words wisely today.

God bless!
Tim

***
Hello Again, by Neil Diamond

Hello again, hello
Just called to say: hello.
I couldn’t sleep at all tonight
And I know it’s late
But I couldn’t wait.

Hello, my friend, hello
Just called to let you know
I think about you ev’ry night
When I’m here alone
And you’re there at home.
Hello.

Maybe it’s been crazy
And maybe I’m to blame
But I put my heart above my head.
We’ve been through it all
And you loved me just the same
And when you’re not there
I just need to hear…

Hello, my friend, hello
It’s good to need you so
It’s good to love you like I do
And to feel this way
When I hear you say:

Hello, my friend, hello.
Just called to let you know
I think about you ev’ry night
And I know it’s late
But I couldn’t wait

Hello.

Hi folks!

Today, we’re seven weeks into 2010 and I would like to update you on some things I’ve learned.  First, though, welcome to a handful of you who are new to my email – hope you enjoy or know somebody who will…feel free to pass it along.

Now, for a quick review of my poorly developed “goal” for 2010 – to lose weight – I haven’t yet…much, anyway.  There’s always tomorrow, right?  RIGHT?

Queue a personal favorite of mine, Tim McGraw’s “Live Like You Were Dyin'”…seriously, it just came on as I’m typing this little note.  But I had fully intended to go back to an old theme of mine – MLK’s “fierce urgency of NOW”.  NOW!  It’s actually a perfect fit.  The song says, “I finally read the good book, and I took good long, hard look…at what I’d do if I could do it all again…”

Most of you know I spent a significant portion of my past 5 years in counseling with probably one of the best counselors in the business today – even though he’s a Longhorn.  One of the things Marty told me one time that really flipped a switch in my brain (and continues to) was the differentiation between personalities vs behaviors.  Our personalities are engrained…we are who we are and most likely will always be (at least in steady-state).  Behaviors, however, is what we seek to change…especially those not-so-favorable behavior flaws.

If I were to be completely honest, I believe I have two significant behaviors that have evolved over an entire lifetime.  One is a tendency to control, especially when I’m outside of my comfort zone.  It actually makes perfect sense when you find someone who is a “control freak” when you think of a rather new cliché – we control what we fear.  Think about it…when you “feel” controlled, try to gain understanding on what’s making you feel that way, and see if you can uncover the underlying fear from the other party.  On the other hand, when you’re doing the controlling…what is it you fear?  Not all control is bad – after all, should I let my kids run wildly loose in the street or grab them out of the street and give them a little bit of direct discussion on the error of their ways?  Obviously…control in that situation is necessity.

My other behavior that could use tons of work is my inability to focus on projects through completion…especially long-cycle project.  When things are short term, I’ve got it handled.  But things that look insurmountable…I throw my hands up and say, “nope, not today.” I’ve quoted Hebrews 12:1-3 on several occasions but my tendency is NOT to “run the race with perseverance.” I don’t put off the things that hinder…I tend to welcome them, who doesn’t love a good distraction now and then.

In fact, my “welcomed distractions” in the prior year have been unbelievably veiled in good-guy shrouds.  You may remember that 2009 delivered me 6 or 7 really great inspirational books that helped me gain a vast new insight my own walk, and on my own Hebrews 12 race.  But the honest truth is, I jumped off the tracks of the old race’s that still need finishing.  Oh sure, I wrapped a couple of big things up – necessary steps.  But this new excitement to essentially lose the “control” behaviors and begin to have active faith that God would truly work things out, caused some of those old races to hang in the balance…even to this day.  Decisions regarding where to live, what the future holds for my business, heck, what the future holds for me personally – I really could’ve spent better time getting to solid goals in that direction rather than getting overly excited about my new outlook on life.

Did it have to be that way?  Perhaps…perhaps I needed the tastes, smells, sounds, etc.  of what 2009 brought in order to hone in 2010 into my sights…to finish those old races and start my new ones.

Back in March, 2006, I wrote about a lunch I had with my minister at the time.  Dennis is an absolutely fantastic pastor…but he’s a better man than that!  I told Dennis in great detail why I knew God was saving me for something big.  I must’ve talked about it for 5-10 minutes of our hour-long lunch.  For a guy who has to talk a bunch, Dennis allowed me to blubber on before imparting some great wisdom…wisdom that sat in my head unresolved until last year.  Essentially, Dennis’ belief was that he doesn’t really buy-in (my summation) to the ideas (like mine) that there’s something really big that I’m going to do to change the world for the good, especially when I don’t necessarily reflect that same faith in my daily life.  It hit like a brick…but you know, what he said after that did sit in my mind almost daily since he spoke it.  In his mind, God’s desire is for us to take Him with us every minute of every day.  Stop waiting on the earth to shake for you and deliver a sign…start NOW living your faith.

It was more than I could grasp when he said it…but 2009 definitely helped me understand it a bunch more.  For all the friends I’ve made, for all the books I’ve read, mostly suggested by those friends, and for my generally always generous nature, 2009 was simply a great year.  I was able to give freely, and see some very small fruits of my labor…it was nice.  Imagine those who labor daily and rarely see any fruit to their labor…that’s a sad existence.  But imagine those who labor daily and every now and then they get a fruit…sometimes small, sometimes huge…and you wonder why they continue laboring…

The song ends with the line repeating…”And someday soon I hope you get the chance, to live like you were dyin’.”

My friend Nicky – as healthy as most anyone I know – had some scary stuff happen a couple of weeks ago…specifically, a blood clot in her lung.  Nicky’s a crazy girl – she jumps out of planes regularly and, well, is just an absolute hoot to hang around.  In my mind, she already lives like she’s dying.  But you know, I’ll bet she’d be the first to tell you there are things she wished she was accomplishing daily/weekly/regularly that she’s still not.

Today, folks…tonight…wipe off the 7 weeks of dust on your resolutions and see how far you’ve come.  Are you there?  Are you even further behind?  Are they “good” goals – meaning…specific, measurable, and productive for whatever purpose it is you seek in life?  If not, rekey…retool.  And that bucket list…keep adding to it…and make it a reward for accomplishing your goals.  Take the time to recognize your wins and learn from your losses…but don’t linger!  Remember…there’s no time like the present!

I thank God for all of you, all my friends and family every night.  Each of you has a place in my mind and on my heart.  It’s busy season now, so hopefully you won’t hear too much from me for a couple of months!  During that time…and as always,

I wish God’s richest blessings on all of you.  May you all feel His grace and comfort daily.

Tim

Hi gang;

Facial expressions seem to be the make or break now at Christmas.  I remember being the age of my kiddos and getting the cool stuff and just freaking out about how the whole Santa gig really worked!  We didn’t have a camera back then…until one Christmas Mom and Dad splurged to get a Polaroid.  Those of you that remember, know full well that as much as they sold the point-and-click feature of that camera…it wasn’t really all that instantaneous of a shot – certainly not compared to the cameras we have today.

This morning, my kiddos certainly delivered on the facial expressions.  I swear Ward is learning his facial movements from some manual I must’ve created back when I was 5.  The elasticity in his face – how a boy can open his mouth that wide, make his eyes that big, have his face turn three shades during the process – nothing beats it.  Scottie is almost the same way, but she accompanies hers with outbursts of laughter, words, and song.  The difference between the two – pretty hilarious really…Scottie is excited by her new clothes and Ward just looks as if those two gifts were wasted silver bullets that could’ve been spent on more great toys.  I was the same way.  When Santa brought clothes, he really made me question his manhood…

In 40 years of Christmas, I’ve never had a White Christmas.  For those out there who are tired of snow, I hate to say this, but I really love it.  I wouldn’t want it year round…in fact, I’m good with it coming once every couple of years like it does here.  But seeing the kids watch with expectancy yesterday as the snow fell and melted, then began to accumulate, then became something with which we could at least attempt to have a snowball fight…that was as good a gift as I could’ve asked for on Christmas.  I understand that Dallas hasn’t had a White Christmas since the 1920s.  So I knew my memory wasn’t faulty on this.  Now I know why Irving Berlin dreamt of a White Christmas.  Down here, many of us have dreamt that dream all our lives…and today that was answered.

They say the giver is blessed at least as much as the receiver, if not more.  I’m starting to understand that better the further I get along in my fatherhood.  If that holds true in the spiritual realm, imagine God’s joy on a day like today.  His gift isn’t just the life of His Son, but the very bread and water we eat (both literally and figuratively), grace, mercy, peace, and the list goes on.  (If you want the list, it’s in print for you – just crack open that Bible and voila!).

Most of you know some, if not all, of the struggles I’ve seen in 2009.  And I know many of you and yours.  I can honestly say, sitting here on my first White Christmas, that this year has been one of my best yet.  I’ve never felt more blessed and never more grateful for the gifts I’ve received in life.  The very friendships we’ve created together have shaped each one of us into who we are today.  Every one of you…each and every one of you, I can point at and name at least one thing you “gave” me…some of you more than that.  And yes, that includes those I’ve only known a short time or for that mist of a moment.  Still, the presence of those gifts are lifelong – and can only be attributed to God’s love for me.  Some of you know that I love giving gifts wherever I can.  I’ve met one or two of you who tried to outgive me, and those competitions usually left us broke!  😉 Today I realize that the giver really does get more…many times much more…than the receiver.

I’m not sure how God “wins” in that particular case.  I mean, after all, I get heaven – both here and after I’ve passed…and He gets, well…me.  But hey, I believe that pay-it-forward can always pay back – and I’m pretty sure I don’t know everything (yes, copy it and paste it because you won’t hear that often from me), so I’m sure He gets much more than that.

Thank all of you for your gifts,
Thank all of you for having an impact on me,
Thank each and every one of you for being there when you were.

Finish 2009 strong – and I wait with childlike anticipation for what 2010 will bring.
Peace to all of you,
Tim

Hi gang;

With our bellies full from Thanksgiving, and an extra pound or two (or 10), we eyeball the coming weeks with the coming celebrations…from holiday parties of every kind, to New Year’s Eve, to just plain taking some time off.  Here in Dallas, things got a little nasty today…pretty cold (43F with a bitter humid wind) and that nasty-drizzly rain we see so often this time of year.  But after such a BEAUTIFUL day on Thanksgiving day, who could complain?

This was my first year without the kids during the holiday.  I’m not ashamed to admit that brought me to tears three times the first 24 hours they were gone – Scottie and her mom took the kiddos to see family in Mississippi, so I was without from Wednesday morning all the way through to Sunday afternoon.  I set out with a purpose this year…in my normal somewhat last-minute mode, I made sure I had something fun planned for the kiddos the night before they left.  I had tickets for the Mavs game – and that’s always a treat…for about a quarter (that’s usually how long it takes Ward to finish a batch of fries – then he’s ready to go home).  This year, about 30 minutes before we planned to leave, Ward proclaimed that his other grandmother (my mom) “had to go wiff us.” So, I had the treat of taking mom and the kids to the game.  Boy was that exhausting!  Not because of mom – but because it was my first attempt to take both of the kids at the same time.  The American Airlines Center is a big place for a scared dad…and all I could think about was what might happen.  I was so freaked out by it – we actually got to the arena 45 minutes before tip-off!!  Those who know me know that I count it as a very LUCKY TREASURE to make it to the beginning of ANY game!  To be there 45 minutes early was unheard of!

We had a great time, but by the time we got back to the car, I was pooped!  Exasperated!  Wondering how the heck I’d ever be a suitable dad!  I had lost my cool on at least a couple of occasions when they were being, well…kids…and man it was irritating to me that I even lost my cool!  At one point, mom grabbed me and asked me if I remembered going to the Ranger game when I was little.  (Note to all – my dad was handicapped so we didn’t make it to a ton of games – just Todd’s football games in college).  I said, “heck yeah, that time Todd almost got into a fight with the guy seated next to me over the 2 foul balls that landed in my chair!” We figured out that I had to be no older than Ward’s age at the time…to have a memory like that…wow…maybe the good part of last Tuesday night will stick in their minds.

Personally, my December 1st was a little rougher than I expected.  I think you all know I run a small CPA firm (and hey, if you need an accountant…).  We’ve grown to be quite a family…a very dysfunctional, disjointed family, but a family nonetheless.  Over the past year or so, the practice has taken quite a hit from a spiraling economy and from a leader who hasn’t been much of a leader.  Digging in on an off-economic cycle is like trying to find sure footing on a muddy, moss-covered rock.  It’s possible…but it’s hard as heck.  As part of that, sometimes we have to make difficult decisions – some that keep us awake for days, make us graze in the fridge or pantry, even stir back up stomach ills strictly because we don’t like dealing with things.  Today, I let go of an employee that, including the time spent with the firm I purchased, had almost 10 years of experience – for what amounted to disloyalty.  It’s hard when that hits a small practice – it makes us all have to buckle down for more.

Soaking in my pity party on the way home, in some really nasty weather-affected traffic, I heard a song come on the radio that I have never heard before.  Some of you may have heard it before (I tend to be way behind the curve on music); it was Randy Travis’ “Three Wooden Crosses” (the lyrics are copied below).  The first time lyrics pass me over, I have an almost panicked feeling as I scramble to remember a message.  This one was pretty easy, really.  It’s about the legacy we leave behind.  It’s not about what we win or take with us…but about how our mark is left on the world.  All of us leave marks…whether we know it or not.  If that’s not enough to scare me into better shape (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), I guess there’s not much else that will…unless you find the following story touching.

I’d heard a bunch of people talking about “The Village” – a church here in the D/FW area – a small church by most standards, but a PACKED HOUSE at every service.  People rave over the young minister there, Matt Chandler.  I went to listen to him once, but he wasn’t in the pulpit that morning.  But I’ve heard from others who I truly respect and they say this kid is one of the best at delivering a message.  Immediately after Three Wooden Crosses went off the radio, I received a text message from one of those beloved friends, “…the pastor has a brain tumor and will be having surgery friday.  Please add to prayer list…”

The timing of that message along with the song that had just stopped playing was plenty to snap me out of my pity party and realize that a) this young preacher needs prayer, and b) no matter how bad I have it at any given moment, I can always find a story (or many stories) that beat my predicament hands down.  Matt Chandler is quite a bit younger than me – with a young family.  Matt Chandler has touched the lives of thousands with his God-given-abilities.  Matt Chandler knows much more than me about scary, life-threatening situations.  But folks, Matt Chandler is not much different than any of us – he’s human.  Fortunately, Matt Chandler is a believer and a follower.  Fortunately, whatever God’s will is this friday for Matt’s surgery – we all know that he’s in good hands.  And right now, while I’m sure Matt Chandler’s not too worried about it…he’s already got a great legacy.  He fully knows that “it’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you, it’s what you leave behind you when you go.”

I’ve been working on a personal mission statement lately…to hopefully flower into some better goal-setting.  It’s been so long since I actually thought about my goals that I’ve lost aim and focus.  My friend’s text message tonight reminded me that sulking about my own paltry issues is only detracting from the focus I need…the intent to leave behind a very positive legacy.

I hope this message inspires you to a similar focus.

Six days after a day of thanks, I want each of you to know how much I care for you.  I count all of you as friends (some of you multiple times – ha!).  Thank you all for being a part, no matter how significant, in my life.

Be blessed
Tim

***
Three Wooden Crosses by Randy Travis

A farmer and a teacher, a hooker and a preacher,
Ridin’ on a midnight bus bound for Mexico.
One’s headed for vacation, one for higher education,
An’ two of them were searchin’ for lost souls.
That driver never ever saw the stop sign.
An’ eighteen wheelers can’t stop on a dime.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there’s not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It’s what you leave behind you when you go.

That farmer left a harvest, a home and eighty acres,
The faith an’ love for growin’ things in his young son’s heart.
An’ that teacher left her wisdom in the minds of lots of children:
Did her best to give ’em all a better start.
An’ that preacher whispered: “Can’t you see the Promised Land?”
As he laid his blood-stained bible in that hooker’s hand.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there’s not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It’s what you leave behind you when you go.

That’s the story that our preacher told last Sunday.
As he held that blood-stained bible up,
For all of us to see.
He said: “Bless the farmer, and the teacher, an’ the preacher;
“Who gave this Bible to my mamma,
“Who read it to me.”

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there’s not four of them, now I guess we know.
It’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It’s what you leave behind you when you go.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway.

Good evening, everyone! I hope your weeks have been blessed since my last email.

I first want to update you on Jessy…for those new to this email distribution, welcome. Jessy is a very good friend of mine whom I’ve never met. But through her twin sister, I’ve grown to love her and the entire family. Jessy recently turned 33, has a baby that is almost one (correct me Jess, if I’m wrong) and a son that’s 9. A few months ago, doctors discovered that Jessy had an aneurysm in her brain and attempted a coil in a very precise and scary surgery. There were some ups and downs initially but all seemed well until a week or two ago. In and out of doctors’ offices, etc., the professionals agreed to hold to an early December surgery date to improve or redo (I’m confused a bit here) the coil they had placed on the blood vessel in her brain. Well, apparently, doctors aren’t real crazy with that path now, and Jessy, along with her family, are heading to Mayo clinic late this week to get a handle on things much sooner than December. Through it all, Jessy has probably held a better spirit about all of it than any of us combined. Her faith is the foundation of her strength, and watching her come through it giving the glory to God is something I’m sure we could all learn from. I know this thing this week has most of us a little scared – Jessy’s ready…her heart is right with God, and she smiles and like the competitor she is, she smiles and tells us she’s ready. I ask all of you who hit your knees for prayer to please remember Jessy for the next couple of weeks.

I read a book (hold the applause) called “Crazy Love” a short time ago on the recommendation of a dear friend. The author makes a point about how some seem to always ask for “safe travel,” or “successful surgery,” etc., without regard for God’s Will. I laughed…I’m guilty of that – heck…that’s how I got through college! In all our prayers, I think it goes without saying, that if it’s within God’s Will that things work out “the way we see it,” then that’s great. It’s when it seems not to work out our way that we wonder where God’s will went wrong. In Jerry Bridges “The Pursuit of Holiness,” Bridges opines that all prayers are answered, just sometimes not the way we had it planned. With a grin, I’ll tell you, I like that explanation. With that thought, Jessy, I’m praying for you as much as ever…but most of all, I’m praying that God’s Will be done and that we all continue to understand and know it as such.

That said, I wanted to hit a real quick note about something that’s been weighing on me pretty hard for the past couple of weeks. By the way, any of you that have book recommendations along the lines of my emails, please feel free to send them to me – I eat ’em up. The same friend that recommended “Crazy Love” has recommended several…including Rich Stearns’ “The Hole in Our Gospel.” I’ve read four spiritual books this year, and will tell you that there has been a purpose to the order I’ve read them.

Tonight when I went upstairs to check on the kiddos…to make sure they were sacked out, my daughter raised her head off the pillow and said, “I love you, Daddy.” I know there’s probably not a ton of times I’m going to hear that from that sweet girl remaining in life. The Tim McGraw song “Grown Men Don’t Cry” immediately began playing in my head – he has an exact line about his little girl doing just exactly what Scottie did tonight. I walked to her, knelt down, hugged her, smelling her hair while I did, and kissed her forehead and told her I loved her too. I got up, turned down the lights, and within a few steps had tears streaming down my face. My little tomboy made me realize with those 4 words that I’d let the weekend of hustle and bustle get me worn down to where all I wanted to do was get the kids to sleep so I could finally relax. I was worn out…completely. Walking away from her room, all I wanted was a rewind button so I could have the weekend to do over again…to spend more time, to have more fun, to not let really silly stuff get me down.

Then my thoughts turned to all these things I’ve been reading…

Stearns is the CEO of World Vision. His is not a glitzy account of fancy living, but of surrender. Sure he’s a CEO of a worldwide recognized organization, but he had the ability to take so much more than most of us could imagine, but he finally surrendered (and that is truly a valid word here) to God’s will by accepting the CEO position several years ago. One of the first mental pictures in this book, is of Rich Stearns holding an African child in his lap, with tears rolling down his face. The nuts and bolts of the story are easy – there are starving, mistreated children everywhere…especially places like Africa, Central America, China and even recently documented stuff on Romania and Hungary…heck, it’s all over the world – even in our own back yards. But what do we do about it?

Stearns’ friends undertook a project – and this project is where the book title comes from. They set out with an exacto knife and trimmed out every passage in the Bible related to the poor, needy, hungry, outcast, diseased, and otherwise mistreated and unloved members of the human race that we are called on to minister to. What was left was a tattered Bible that barely represented anything of what we are called as Christians to do. What remained is what so many have come to label the “Prosperity Doctrine” – simply, that if we’re living right, God will bless us with material possessions. The “hole in our gospel” – or in that doctrine, is that it is NOT what we are called on to do.

I sat down with my friend and we looked through the World Vision website at the thousands of children living in FAR below poverty conditions – tears in our eyes for these children. For $35 per month, World Vision allows you to “sponsor” a child to help them get basic necessities. Even more, you get to communicate with these children through sharing of postcards, or even sending gifts at birthdays and Christmas, etc.

In a day where we throw away more than some of these children will ever have, it was an easy decision for me – that I needed to sponsor a child. The difficult decision was how many, and which one. The idea of “picking” the child to sponsor seemed so brutally wrong…I want to help them all! Fortunately, I found comfort that I could search by date of birth – so the “easy” answer was that I’d find children with birthdates equal to my two children. Someday I hope they meet each other. Someday I hope my kids understand that this is what we are here for – nothing else. Someday I hope that Eva of Guatemala, and Nthati of Lesotho both know that what they saw as some guy providing something as simple as $35/month was something we are called on to do by Christ Himself (see Matthew 18:5).

The trouble is…it’s not just the children. We are called to minister daily to anyone in need…to sell our possessions and give to the needy…to sell out, and follow Christ. That’s a tall order…for anyone. Can you imagine having faith like that? It truly baffles my mind.

To me, the commitment to start with an organization like World Vision was the first step in what I hope is a lifetime journey of following my own walk with God – and putting faith that following through with the Great Commission will always lead me to where I need to be.

For those that read anything I’ve written as prideful or guilt-ridden, or anything in between…I want to say one thing. I don’t write about these things to brag – I feel guilty that I’m only spending $70/month…I feel I should be doing SO MUCH more than I am. My purpose in writing is twofold. First, I’ve been deeply convicted about it and have prayed rather regularly that God provide whatever words He wants me to share so that I wouldn’t come across overbearing in any way. Second, all of you are somewhat used to my rant and rave…I try to be inspirational, thoughtful, and a little bit goofy. Tonight I was yanked and tugged by an 8 year old daughter, a memory of my own father, and 40 years of time not spent doing what I’ve been called to do. I have no regrets in life – other than having spent so much time in my own desert, never reaching the promised land for my own life. As I’ve written so many times before – it all starts now…whenever now happens to be for you. You draw the line…you change habits…you get out of the rut…that’s why I wrote what I did tonight.

To all of you, I love you with the love of Christ. I miss every one of you…although some more than others! 😉

I thank God for all of you now, for all of you have had some meaningful impact on my life. I hope if any of this moves you into action, that you too will send that action forward…compel somebody you know to a soup kitchen, to a website, to give of their excess to someone who has nothing…and most certainly, do it yourself.

Thank you,
Bless you, and
Peace to you

Tim

Hi gang;

I returned last night from burying my last grandparent. Borrowing from my sister’s previous e-mail on the topic of Granny:
***
…my sweet grandmother, Ruth Arementia Goss Thompson, passed away yesterday. She was 99 years old. To put ’99 years’ in perspective . . .’Granny’ was married at age 14, gave birth to 5 BIG boys, probably all at home . . . her first when she was 16 years old. She and her husband raised their family in East Texas during the Great Depression. One of her boys survived the catastropic New London school explosion in 1937 after being buried beneath the rubble for over 24 hours. (This explosion is what prompted the addition of odor to natural gas: read more about it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_London_School_explosion). Another son survived polio. Four of her sons served in the US Navy. After the boys were grown, she became a nurse and served others for many years. She was widowed at the age of 48. Until a few months ago she lived alone in her home, as was her wish, with her boys looking in on her regularly. She grieved the loss of two of her sons and four grandchildren before she was called home. The words that come to mind when I think of my Granny are caring, independent, strong, loving, stubborn, a faithful servant for 99 years. . . she will be missed by her large family and many friends.
***

On the 2-1/2 hour drive (5 round-trip), I had plenty of time to reflect on what she’d lived through…2 world wars, the roaring 20s (she was married at the age of 14 in the midst of those roaring 20s!), the Great Depression, the industrial revolution, the Civil Rights movement, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, 2 wars in Iraq, the Oklahoma City bombing, the terrorism events not only of 2001, but those ranging back to the 70s and before. Teala mentioned above that one of boys was buried alive in the explosion above, but one of her other boys, as I understand it, was home sick that day from school and would’ve been in the very class where the spark ignited the school.

Granny lived 50+ years after her husband passed, choosing never to remarry, and for all anyone else knows, never choosing to date. Granny was surrounded by those who loved her, but mostly via phone. When we used to go see her on Sundays, I remember Granny talking about who had stopped by that week to say hi. It always seemed she had someone stopping by to check in and keep her company.

One thing I don’t care much about when it comes to funerals is the idea of an open-casket. I still remember the “visitation” the night before dad’s funeral…it had been weeks since I had seen him because I was in my first semester at A&M. I stayed in the back of the room as Todd, Jimmy Ann, Teala, Rick, and Mom went to go look. I approached, but made sure I couldn’t see him. Later as visitors came in I began doing what we do…playing my own brand of denial by standing in the back and saying hi, laughing, cutting up, whatever, with every person that came through to pay respects. In the process I was able to build up my own confidence high enough to approach the casket. Before I knew it, I was standing over Pops with tears streaming down my face. As strong as I had stood for a half hour, I was losing it. I touched the back of his hand just to feel one more touch. He didn’t really look like the man I remembered…hair was different, face had lost its muscular support, etc., but there was no doubt it was him. Before I knew it, I was gripping the sides of the casket so hard that my knuckles were sore…I was trying to draw strength to stop crying before I turned around. It didn’t work.

I must’ve been shaking pretty bad because before I knew it, I had a couple of family members around me…and they had started back up again. Dad and I were tight…he loved all of us dearly. I never imagined life without him.

I bring the story of Pops up, because as it wound up, I sat front-row center at Granny’s funeral…thrust closer to her than I’d been in years. Anyone who knows me knows that is not a preferred position – but at least I had the aisle.

My cousins all have many fond memories of Granny – but mostly, I attribute that to the fact that they are all roughly the same age. I was pall-bearer with 6 of the other grandboys, 3 I didn’t know so well because of geographic proximity, but the one I sat next to was my cousin, Scott. Scott was always trouble…but, then again, all the boys were. Scott was just the trouble closest to my age. As I talked to my completely bald and still-funny cousin, he told me he had just had his 50th birthday. I always thought Scott and I were closer in age. So 10 years separated the second-youngest grandboy – in this vicinity…meaning, that I would see on usually an annual basis. By age 6, I was an only child – Teala and Todd both off at college, etc. Trips to Granny’s were not all that much fun, and I just didn’t have the affinity for going up there that the others had.

I always felt guilty for it…and if anything, other of my family’s attempts to shovel more guilt on top of me now and then were met with even more resistance to do what I should’ve done. It was certainly not that I didn’t love her…but I didn’t have the connections to childhood memories that they all shared.

And there I was, front and center…feeling ashamed, missing dad, and praying to God that I didn’t instill the same in my kids. Then they raised the lid on the casket, and there she was…I looked immediately to my left where Scott was sitting, and I said, “oh man, I don’t do this…”

As much as I could, I looked away. 10 minutes later, before the chaplain delivered his message, the funeral director and staff closed the casket. Whew…I could breathe. The message was great…really summarized Granny well. She didn’t openly talk about her faith in God, and a belief in the saving grace of Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice on the cross, but there was no doubt it was there. As stubborn as she could be sometimes (something that somehow ALL her grandchildren received genetically), Granny mostly erred to the side of the Word. The chaplain had us read aloud Psalm 23…one of my favorites. When the funeral ended, the funeral director and his staff approached the front again…I was breathing…it was done.

Then he opened the lid again…panic. They had the friends come up first…one after the other…looking at her, patting her, and shaking hands with the minister. Then family…same thing, more tears…but same thing. Then the 7 of us pall bearers. I was the 4th from the last Thompson to see my grandmother. I had sworn I wouldn’t touch her – the experience with Dad was too much. As I approached, I just stared at the flowers. My cousin moved away and there I was, face-front. I reached up and touched her poor shriveled hand…looked briefly at her face and turned away. Fighting harder than before, teeth-cracking jaw-clinching breath fighting through my nose, I shook the chaplain’s hand and nodded in thanks.
***

What is it about death that I’m afraid of?
I could give you plenty of answers, starting with 2 great kids and wanting to see them grow up…and wanting to see them further through life than my dad was able to see. I could tell you because the idea of everything stopping doesn’t sound as much fun as everything going. I could tell you that I often wonder about this idea of a soul being committed to an eternity to heaven (or hell) and a physical body being committed back to the earth – to be as they said in Dead Poets’ Society…”food for worms.” I could tell you plenty of things…but none of them are under any of my own power, my own control.

Death is uncontrollable. A book that a friend of mine recommended, “Crazy Love,” has a second chapter that is titled “You may not make it through this chapter.” The author’s point is, we could all die the instant you read this word…we never know. A quote from his book, “On the average day, we live caught up in ourselves. On the average day, we don’t consider God very much. On the average day, we forget that our life is truly a vapor.”

A vapor? Wow. I thought I was more than that…but think about it…in the grand scheme of time, that is truly the case. The author then quotes James 4:13-14, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” If you believe in a judgment day, and life is this fragile, should we truly not be living our days as if it were our last? Should we not be as it says in Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say REJOICE!” And further in verse 6 it says “Do not be anxious about ANYTHING.”

Seriously? Did Paul not know that we’re in the midst of a depression now? We’ve got soldiers in faraway lands, jobs are getting more scarce, people are freakin’ out a little, house prices are deflating, the gas pump isn’t…it’s a nutty time. Rejoice? Don’t be anxious?

Yes, folks…seriously…and in fact, this is the best time to open up your hearts and let your faith shine. I listened to a pretty good sermon from a pastor in Edmund, Ok this week – a man by the name of Dennis Newkirk – he said it’s really not our responsibility to worry about the “conversion of lost souls” to the Glory of God. We are not to worry about the exact path to bring a person from a place of non-belief to belief. OUR JOB IS TO PLANT SEEDS and let God take care of the rest. That takes a load off my mind…ha! I can plant seeds – I just need to make sure the seeds are good!

My apologies for a down-tone email. I struggle, probably more than anyone I copy on these emails, with my own sinful nature. It is best if we can keep close to our faith in times like these…I hope each of you finds a way to do the same in your life.

Thanks for your friendship,
Tim

Hi everybody;

I hope this note finds you as well as can be expected…if not better!  Welcome to the new folks included tonight…as always, it’s my hope that this hits somebody in such a way that you’re stirred to action in your own life.  Other than that, I’m just spittin’ out whatever’s on my mind!  😉

As a 7th grader, Dad FINALLY let me play football.  He’d never allowed me to play until 7th grade for a couple of reasons…a) he didn’t trust the coaches in the pee-wee leagues all that much, and b) he just didn’t feel like a young boy’s bones were far enough along to subject the body to that much bumping and bruising.  7th grade…FINALLY.  Oh, but the summer before, he said, “Timbo, if you really want to play, you’re gonna have to run 20 laps a day around the field.”

<gulp>

“Dad!  That’s 5 miles!”

So every morning for several months I went up and ran 20 laps (around a field that wasn’t a full track lap – so it wasn’t really close to 5 miles)…that is, somewhere around 20 laps or so…certainly never more.  I remember one time dad drove up there after he ate his breakfast because he couldn’t figure out how I was knocking out 20 laps so fast…BUSTED!  As I started working my way back home after about 10-12 laps, there came that old blue station wagon.  The next day, dad equipped me with an old plastic gimme cup and 20 pennies…instructions…drop a penny every time I ran by the cup (because as a genius in math, I apparently had a hard time counting).  The easy way around that…drop 2-3 coins…or 10.

***

I had probably the best coach of the 4 7th grade coaches…a man by the name of Vince Cowdrey.  Coach Cowdrey was great because he wasn’t into the yelling and screaming, but in building a boy’s confidence.  Dad and I had thrown the ball so much in the front yard for years I could catch anything thrown my way.  But had I had one of those angry oppressive types, I’m not sure I could’ve caught that well.  Coach Cowdrey was also great in that he wasn’t the “normal” coach – you all know that most of the time, coaches also are required to teach.  So, in many occasions, they’re teaching history, PE, etc…not that there’s anything wrong with that!  But Coach Cowdrey was an English teacher…an honors English teacher.  He was quite a role model, and those of you copied on this email who know Coach Cowdrey, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Anyway, it was on the Mustangs that season that I learned some of the intricacies of football.  Things like…don’t look up on a kickoff at the big guys bearing down on you until you have FIRMLY secured the ball, or those extremely uncomfortable-to-wear protective devices that make running hard – you wear them for a reason, or, one of my favorites…at the end of the third quarter, you raise up your hand as high as you can with the number 4 on your fingers – signifying a move to the 4th and final period of the game.  Football was quite educational.
***

The fourth quarter (or final period/inning/set) signify a time to dig down deep and test your strength and endurance…a push for the last few minutes of the game to buckle down, play your heart out, and a variety of other cliches we all love to repeat.

In business, the fourth quarter represents those last three months of a company’s fiscal year – typically the period from October 1 through December 31.  It’s oftentimes a time of realization of current year goal-attainment, future year(s) planning, and, similar to the sporting view, a time of buckling down and giving it your all.  The cliché, “leave it all on the field” is often used in both business and sports – a metaphor typically used to say “give it your absolute ALL – take nothing back to the locker-room with you when this game is over.”
***

Have you ever thought about the 4th quarter for your own life?  There’s so many songs, books, poems, etc., that make such statements as to live each day as if it’s your last.  Many of us have a punch list of things we’d do if we knew it was the last period.  I heard a story one time that the same was asked of Mother Teresa…about what she would do if she knew she had only a day to live, and her answer surprised no one who knew her.  In my own words and faulty memory, she essentially said she’d be feeding the hungry, tending to the sick, saying a kind word to the unwanted, etc…things she’d done every day before.  She “lived like she was dying” every day.

Hebrews 12:1 is often quoted because it compares life to a race.  I found something very interesting across 3 major translations (added emphasis is my doing):

First, the King James version of the verse says:
“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”

The New International version translates:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

The New American Standard Bible:
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easii entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.

Isn’t that an interesting thing…patience, perseverance, endurance.  All of them, to me anyway, take on a slightly different meaning.  All of them conjure up “4th quarter” type memories.  We are put on this earth to live a holy life – a standard to which we all fail.  It’s like getting your nose bloodied for 3 straight quarters…but the Disciple Paul said it best when in his first letter to the Corinthians he said “Run in such a way to win the prize!” (1 Corinthians 9:24).  Okay…that means after 3 straight quarters or 8 long innings or 2 sets of terrible tennis, we are to come out fighting AS IF TO WIN THE PRIZE!

Look folks, for those of us who go through the routines…we gear up and go to church (sometimes – pointing at myself), read our Bible (on occasion – again, guilty), say our prayers, and try to be nice to each other – we’re still walking around with our rears handed to us on the field of the game of life.  I AM probably the worst at this of anyone on this email!  As in my example referring to my 7th grade football experience, we’ve had a great teacher, but along with the good things we’ve learned about living, we’ve also learned some silly things along the way that holds us back.

What about cheating the system?  What about not “counting your laps” correctly?  Not sure of the parallel – here’s an example…how many of you hold your tongue when you need to, or clear your head of bad thoughts when they pop to mind, or just flat out the second greatest commandment according to Jesus – to love one another as you love yourselves?  Do you really love yourself?  Let me ask another question…if God loves you, and God loves your neighbor, enemy, etc., then who are you not to?

No songs to quote tonight…I had a few – but this has been plenty to chew for me personally.

God bless you all in this 4th quarter…personally, professionally, and most of all, spiritually.
Peace,
Tim

Hi everyone!

It’s been probably two months since I’ve written – but that is not to say these two months haven’t been filled with a stirring spirit.  I have had so many moments of ups and downs that I’m honestly exhausted from it all.

Before I get rolling, there are a handful of folks that are new to my letters, and I just thank you for entertaining me with your eyes, and hope I can move you in some sort of way.  Also, I wanted to update those who’ve prayed for Jessy – she’s doing AMAZINGLY well – back in the pool swimming longer in an hour than I can in a week, and fully intending on running a half-marathon that ends with a mile inside of Lambeau Field next May.  You won’t find her denying the fact that all your prayers made the difference.  Early July was a scary time after her aneurysm surgery, and I understand that the initial recovery was really touch and go.  But she’s done it…and whether she had or hadn’t, all the glory would be to God, anyway; but it’s worth thanking Him for leaving her with us for a little while longer!  As to current prayers – a friend in Alabama had the home she and her family were “transitioning from” burn down last week – losing all kinds of personal belongings, etc.  Please keep Jeni, Kris, and their children in your prayers.  Finally…for all of us who are affected by this economy, which I think would pretty much include all of you – let’s remember to carry these burdens together, we’re all affected but none of us is defeated.

We talk about freedom a bunch in this country.  We throw the term around to support our arguments.  We claim freedom when we’re walking the gray line.  We refer to freedom in terms of our speech, actions, and even in our spirit.  We’ve read about freedom – how our forefathers fought for it – yet we have laws that in some ways bind us a bit and make us “not so free.” We jail people for disobedience – so, it’s freedom with an asterisk.  Emotionally speaking, “free-spirits” are often referred to as quacks, nut-bags, pot-heads, or any other derogatory word you can imagine.  Songs are dedicated to it…Freebird by Lynyrd Skynrd (I never know if I’m spelling that right!), Silver and Gold by U2, and Freedom by George Michael are three very different tunes that pop into my mind, mostly because I’m 40 and that’s apparently “old man” status to some of you.  Each one addresses a different aspect of freedom whether it be political or spiritual, physical or emotional.

And if freedom is tough to really wrap your hands around, what about love?  There are WAY too many songs about love to go into on this kind of email.  Suffice it to say that all of our experiences on both topics are vastly different, and each of us has spent a literal lifetime learning what we know about either subject.  To define either seems next to impossible.  We can refer to either topic in simile or metaphor, but the concepts’ real definitions escape us.

So what the heck am I writing about it for?  I don’t know…hopefully by the end of this email, I’ll figure it out!

Three men shaped my spiritual life after my dad passed away…for those who don’t know…that was a long time ago – I had just turned 19.  One was my youth minister from church, Warren.  Warren was a great guy – similar in age to my brother, so I saw him that way.  Warren was around and close when I’d come home from college, but he had his stuff to deal with at church as well.

Jack was also instrumental…he was a minister at our church, but quite honestly, I don’t remember what he was minister of!  What I remember most about Jack is when he acted as counselor for our group who graduated high school in 1987…I don’t remember if it was my junior or senior year, but he was our camp counselor.  Jack was a parent of two teenagers at the time, so he was really attuned to what was going on in the group, etc.  Jack never felt like a brother-figure – he had a different presence.  It was rare to see Jack without a smile, always with a positive word, etc., but not too chummy – that wasn’t his place.  That year he acted as counselor was the closest we came to him.  And after Dad died, Jack was also good about saying the encouraging things to me.  Part of his responsibility at the church was being the head of the college kids so those immediate years following dad’s death, we were able to stay in pretty close contact.

Our music minister, Rip, was the third – and probably most influential man in my life.  Rip had two boys, both close in age to me, and he too was similarly plugged in to our youth group.  He was also one of those salty types who could wisecrack with the best of them.  But his thoughts and actions were never far from Godly in front of our youth group.  I remember in the later part of my youth, either my junior or senior year, Rip led a Bible study on Romans because of some strong convictions he had.  Typically, in a church the size of the one I went to, there wasn’t a bunch of crossover between functional responsibilities – but Rip did and I remember the time well.

I don’t talk to any of these 3 men anymore – but their impact was profound, and helped shape a very positive image of what love and freedom are about.  How?  Simple…each man loved the Lord and displayed it daily.  They were not perfect men – and never pretended to be.  But the love was evident nonetheless.  Each showed how loving God was in our life and while we did have freedoms…for instance, the freedom to choose how we’d live our lives, we also had responsibilities to fulfill in order to fully experience that love.

So why don’t we all feel free?  Why is it that loving thoughts and actions seem so easily to escape us?  Why do even the simple challenges throw us onto some downward spirals emotionally and we take sometimes days or weeks to recover?  On the way to work this morning, I heard one of my favorite U2 songs from the best recording, in my opinion, that they ever made of that particular song.  The song’s title is “Pride (In the Name of Love)” and my favorite version is the live recording from the album “Rattle and Hum”.  One small verse in the song goes like this:

Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride
In the name…of Love

For those who know, I love to refer now and then to MLK.  This obvious reference (and one Bono, the lead singer for U2, also admits the mistake regarding “early morning” – given that MLK’s assassination occurred around 6PM) to MLK to me says a world about both love and freedom…at least, it did the way it hit me this morning!  The love MLK had for freedom…when you see that phrase “Free at Last” – how do you not hear MLK’s words “FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST” replay in your mind?  MLK, a very spirit-filled leader…a very Godly man – but a man nonetheless…died for his cause.  Is this what it took for this great man to finally REALIZE his freedom?  For those who’ve done any level of research on MLK, his last months were filled with death threats, slurs, and other indignations – not to mention the plight of those who had yet to have their civil liberties realized – this man was not free…he was FAR FROM FREE.  But MLK lived according to what he felt led to do – and he did so not only in the name of freedom, but most often in the name of, and love for God.  He paid a very public price with great dignity fighting for one thing – freedom.

Do we also have to die to experience freedom?  Is the love we talk so freely of truly available to us?

John 8:31-6 (thanks R!) says:

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” They answered him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of anyone.  How can you say that we shall be set free?” Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.  Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever.  So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

What keeps us from freedom?  I think that is pretty simply answered above.  Call it sin, call it whatever you need to – but know that it exists…probably in each and every one of us.  And if you’re not free, can you really experience that love that seems out of reach?  All of us with children know how deeply love can go – it’s there…it’s really there.  But our imperfections…our sins…produce a ton of friction internally and cause us not to love ourselves.  We take improper actions to cover for sins, whether it be from overindulging to, like my dad always said, telling two lies to cover up one.  Is this really necessary?

What has liberated me more than anything is surrounding myself with folks to whom I look up to…folks that seem more spiritually liberated than I am.  Each of them has helped me see where my thoughts are limiting…where my self-love is low…where my freedom is all but a pipe dream.  I have no doubt that my fears; (which, at the end of the day is really a lack of faith…which is a sin) of failing at my responsibilities of being a parent, of failing at my business, of failing to find this escape-artist “love”, of failing at being a good Christian man, etc., are what limits me from feeling real love and real freedom.  Quite the paradox, huh?  Wouldn’t it be easier to shortcut it – and just start believing?

I mentioned above that I hoped I knew why I went after the topic tonight – and trust this has been a couple of months in the making.  I have watched some friendships blossom, others appear and fade, and plenty that stay the same.  I’ve seen things happen in my own life, felt things in the past couple of months that I had no idea existed within me, that I know these are not pipe dreams.  I know for a fact that the truth will set me free…and that then I might actually know that love – but the love I have for my maker must come first, foremost, and constant.  There are so many things I’ve fallen short on in my life that I even have a pretty set routine to make sure I don’t look so bad so that others don’t expect too much of me.  Seriously?  Why?  Why make things so hard?

It’s simple – as all really difficult questions usually turn out to be – fear.

I close with a quote from Oswald Chambers:

“It is not so true that ‘prayer changes things’ as that prayer changes me and I change things.  God has so constituted things that prayer on the basis of Redemption alters the way in which a man looks at things.  Prayer is not a question of altering things externally, but of working wonders in a man’s disposition.”

It is my prayer tonight that all of you experience the love and freedom you want in life, and moreover, that you give thanks and glory to God for that blessing when you receive it.

Peace

Tim