When I look back at the road that led me to where I am now, I can certainly say that it’s not all smooth pavement.  There are some places that were paved, and some I saw wash away in a flood of emotions, tears, and pain.  Some of that was self-inflicted…some I’m not sure I could, to this day, define what or how it happened.  But the road of the past 18 months has certainly been an interesting journey.

18 months ago, I started a journey with a gal who would become the love of my life.  And today we will marry and put our wheels on yet another interesting road leading us through some breathtaking sights and sounds…and most likely a couple of off-road journeys we never saw coming.

There’s not another lady on this planet I’m better suited to, nor another person on this earth I’d entrust to join me on a journey of this magnitude.

If you’ve read my blogs before, you’ll know 9 times out of 10, I’ll tie what I’m writing to a song or two.  It’s like a thought gets stuck in my head and a song pushes that thought into a message.  Well, on the eve of our wedding, I’m going to share eight songs that define so much of what we’ve learned and experienced as we’ve grown through our own individual lives…and these eight songs are playing during our wedding celebration.

U2’s “Where the Streets Have no Name” starts it off pretty simply.  “I want to run.  I want to hide.  I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.  I want to reach out and touch the flame…where the streets have no name.”  There’s plenty written about the meaning behind this song, and I’m pretty sure mine is not unique, but also not common.  Specifically – to me – it speaks as a song to address anxiety.  I’m no stranger to fear – and allowing it to impact the decisions I’ve made along the way.  The idea of tearing down the walls that hold me inside is precisely what I want.  And it takes an undeniable amount of trust in selecting a partner to whom you can divulge and just get that vulnerable with – to address anxiety that can sometimes suck so much of the fun out of life.  The representation of street s that have no name, to me, is going places I’ve never been before – dreaming dreams and doing things I’ve never thought I could accomplish because I was held back by some sort of fear.

All that said, I’m still not a fan of roller coasters.  😉

John Mayer’s “The Heart of Life” speaks to the core of our relationship.  There is good all around us…we just have to choose to see it.  I generally was a bit of a Pollyanna growing up, but I allowed some of those washed out roads to turn me into a cynic…and that cynicism is not a flattering color on me (and it’s really difficult to wash off).  But as the song says, “Pain throws your heart to the ground.  Love turns the whole thing around.  No it won’t always go the way it should, but I know the heart of Life is good.”

Shelby is the Pollyanna I used to be…she even gets uneasy when I talk bad about the next Texas A&M opponent – saying they’re all God’s children.  We continue to disagree as to whether that applies to my Longhorn friends…I’m sure she’ll swing me on that someday, too.  But in all seriousness, another great line comes in the bridge of this song where he repeats “Pain throws your heart to the ground.  Love turns the whole thing around.”  But he changes the next line to “Fear is a friend that you misunderstood.  But I know that the heart of my life is good!”

If I’ve come to grips with anything the past few years in my life personally, I very much misunderstood my fears and have learned, one by one, to come to grips with them.  I’m in repair…and I’m getting there.  Having someone that is the female version of me has really helped that work progress.

That leads to another song that we’ve both learned the hard way – each in our own ways.  “Ordinary Love” by U2 (yes, again) says something about this winding, bumpy road we’ve been on: “All the beauty that’s been lost before, wants to find us again…The sea throws rocks together but time leaves us polished stones.”  I’d venture she’s far more polished than I am at this point, but we’re certainly both in much different places than we were in recent memory.

The chorus of the song says: “We can’t fall any further if we can’t feel Ordinary Love.  And we cannot reach any higher if we can’t deal with Ordinary Love.”  That’s pretty self-explanatory.  Love takes work…and a whole lot of that requires an Ordinary Love.  But if that foundation is strong, that love will take you to extraordinary heights.

From there, we move to the Goo Goo Dolls remake of Supertramp’s “Give a Little Bit.”  I grew up a giver.  I loved surprising people…and blessing them in whatever way I could – especially if I could make it meaningful.  But my brand of giving usually involved a female love interest.  Yeah I’d give to others in need, etc., but I didn’t seek that out.

When we went out on our second date, I had it figured out.  We were going to Barnes & Noble (I know…romantic) after dinner and I’d buy her a book I had picked out (she loves real paper and real books).  But low-and-behold, this girl had beaten me to the punch.  Shelby read one of my early blogs – one that meant a lot to me in writing because it summoned memories of growing up and listening to Paul Harvey with my mom and dad (“What really happened on the 8th day”) – and on that second date she had a gift wrapped all pretty in what looked like a repurposed paper sack and tied with a piece of twine…what was it?  An album of Paul Harvey’s “The rest of the story”.  She knew I had bought a record player for my daughter just a few weeks before for Christmas so she effectively tied several things together.

Later when I got a little freaked out by this lady’s generosity, my friends said, “Tim, she’s just like you.”  On the outside looking in, I get what they were saying.

But they were wrong.

She’s so much more about giving of herself than I ever thought I’d be.  Here’s  a kindergarten teacher raising 3 kids – and when she hears of somebody in need, she doesn’t waste a breath to help.  There’s no payback.  There’s no expectation.  There’s no hope for a love interest or any string attached.  She lives out the Golden Rule at every turn.

Telling her to “Give a Little Bit” might just be asking her to cut back.  But she has such a sacrificial love for all people – even complete strangers – that one has to try really hard to NOT see God’s light shining through her.

The Beatles’ “With a Little Help From My Friends” was always a fun song to me.  It’s a short little song that’s pretty self-explanatory.  We get by with a little help from our friends.  Hey look folks, we’re all in this together – living with genuine friends – not just those that always like our FB posts, but people we stay in intentional community with – those relationships are irreplaceable.

Our processional was settled the moment we saw Guardians of the Galaxy 2.  Electric Light Orchestra’s “Mr Blue Sky”.  The words are pretty repetitive and some even seem to imply we’ve been waiting a long time for this moment.  Hmm…I guess maybe?  Either way, it’s a fun song that the kids identify with and, at the end of the day, with us putting her 3 kiddos with my 2, there’s plenty of goodness to be had in making this a fun event for the kids.

My future bride settled on Pharell Williams’ “Happy” for her processional.  There’s just no better song to try to wrap around the feeling we both have that this moment is in front of us…until you get to our recessional.

 

A few weeks back at church, during the reflection time at the end of the service, we sang a favorite among modern Christian music listeners – This is Amazing Grace (by Phil Wickham).

 

I grew up singing Amazing Grace in church for years.  Great words and an overall favorite hymn of many church-goers.  But, I will say, if anything…Amazing Grace doesn’t sound all that exciting musically.  And while it speaks to how fortunate we are to be in receipt of such grace by a God who loves us, it honestly sounds like somebody else’s song.  But “This is Amazing Grace” really speeds it up to a real life story.

We’ve both worked individually on our faith journey the better part of 6-7 years.  God was working on us…and…sometimes cooperatively and sometimes not so much – He got us situated in a position to meet 18 months ago.

When you hear Shelby’s story…where she came from and how she got here.  Or when you listen to mine and how stubborn I was at any number of times during my adult life.  It is nothing short of amazing that we met in the first place.   But that this thing developed into a love of a lifetime…where we’ve met our match and then some – that’s nothing short of Amazing Grace.

We firmly believe – because we’ve seen Him at work in our lives as a couple the past 18 months – that God’s hand is in this.  And when you tie in the fears we both have – fears I didn’t even touch on in the first few paragraphs – you know it’s going to take something very special to push this thing the right direction.  It takes knowing that The Heart of Life – that is, a loving Savior who loves you regardless of your decision – is very good.  It takes an understanding that you ought to have Ordinary Love so you can achieve Extraordinary Love.  It’s knowing that life isn’t about taking, but giving.  It takes a little help from friends.  It takes Mr Blue Sky moments – where you get to just be a kid again.  It takes dancing down some aisles to Happy…even when the happy moments seem to be absent for a period.

What is Amazing Grace?  It’s the power to break the darkness.  It’s knowing a mighty love from God is above all else.  It’s those moments of awe. It’s knowing…KNOWING…that a Savior died not just for all the good things you do…but those not-so-proud moments too.

We are not so Pollyanna to think or assume this will be an easy journey.  There will likely be some bumps in the road…even a few washed out bridges.  The difference now for both of us:  This very Amazing Grace.  We know…we know of one another – that we are nothing without Him.  And we will call ourselves out for trying to do too much, when all we need is a little help from the one friend who counts most – God.

Shelby,

There’s not a person on this planet I’d take this plunge with.  I say that because none of them would’ve been sent from above.  I say it because there’s no doubt we understand each other’s yoke.  Most importantly, we understand that faith in the Father above will get us a lot further on our journey – and likely get us there with much less damage to the tires.

I love you.  Not more.  Not less.  I love you like you love me.  Ordinary.  Extraordinary.  A little more each and every day.

Let’s get this show on the road!