For the first time in 3 years, and only the second time in 16 or so years, I finally took a vacation.  In this bachelor life I’ve come across so many who list “travel” as a passion.  It’s never really been one of mine (til now) because, well, frankly…I’ve just not done much of it.  Oh sure, the occasional road trip here or there…but never really going much of anywhere with the soul purpose of kicking back for a week and just letting time tick off without a worry in the world.

The trip accomplished its purpose…I kicked back, relaxed, had some fun, drove in a foreign country (without any knowledge of the language other than Cerveza, Tequila, and Baño…and Tortilla, of course), got the rental car stuck in beach sand in a rather remote part of said foreign country, saw whales, read a book, took a dinner cruise, hung on the beach…and the list of relaxing stuff goes on.  I conquered a fear – well, let’s say “faced” the fear…not sure I conquered it…but I zip-lined for the first time ever and had a blast.  And hey, I even searched (rather unfruitfully) for 5, yes 5, Sea Turtles that happened to call a beach outside of Todos Santos their home (refer to aforementioned getting stuck in beach sand).  While I found the much-sought-after “Turtle Time Share”, I was bummed to know I couldn’t see them unless I wanted to hang out for 4 hours when they were released…apparently the Sea Turtles take it easy til night time.  Oh well.

It was a bit crazy to take such a trip at this time of year – the cusp of busy season right in front of me…but whales don’t spawn year-round where I was going, and I was bound and determined to see it.  I got what I was asking for both going and coming, a relaxing life-long memory, and a world of BUSY-ness when I got back home.  It’s hard to find center sometimes when you come back from taking time off…that much I get.  As ready as I thought I was…I wasn’t.  But what I really wasn’t ready for was some of the emotional things upon my return…

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In Coldplay’s “Fix You” (video link below), the line “tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can’t replace” was particularly poignant.  Upon returning, news rang out of two local teenage girls who’d taken their own lives.  Lots of confusion abounded as to motives, whether or not they were related, and a lot of other unanswered questions that arise in that time.  The gut-wrenching thing for me was that parents and family members were at a loss…an irreplaceable loss.

I’ve got a 15 year old daughter (one of the reasons I don’t take too many vacations the past 15 years…ha).  She’s had her ups and downs.  She’s a sweet, smart, gorgeous girl with a huge heart and a passion for music.  And usually…mostly usually…she loves her dad, and that’s what matters.  I’ve got an 11 year old son…gregarious, slightly obnoxious, almost always funny, and, well, as my family says, a spittin’ image of his dad.  I can’t help but hold both my kids a little tighter after the news of the two local girls.  I missed them while I was away…but missed them even more when I got back and got that news.

But that particular news story wasn’t quite done…

I’ve got a dear friend who works in healthcare at a local ER.  Not only had her hospital taken in one of the girls, but the other girl’s mom is a friend and co-worker of hers.  That’s not necessarily any closer to home for me, personally, but it felt like it was.  I work with a crew of folks that I know quite well, and in many senses of the word, we are like family.  Losing anybody off the team, or anybody’s family member off the team would take its toll on us, for sure.  I can’t imagine the pain of the parents of these girls, and, quite honestly, can’t imagine the pain of feeling like you’re that close to someone going through it.

Then, another story…relayed to me from one of my very best friends.  It was a family friend who had a young boy clinging to life after successfully fighting off Leukemia with chemo and other aggressive treatments.  Apparently the treatments had been so aggressive that it caused some other maladies inside his body – and ultimately the young boy succumbed to brain swelling, etc.  It affected everybody who knew him…young classmates who’d been pulling for him, facebook followers who were collectively pulling for him…and a community who had committed to prayers and everything else to keep his hope alive.

While I didn’t know any of the kiddos, or their families…I couldn’t help but get emotional about the news, and the impact on my friends’ lives as well.

So here we are entering Lent, a season when Christians focus on prayer and atonement in order to grow closer to God.  One custom many are aware of is self-denial.  Often you hear of people giving-up meat, chocolate, or something else meaningful in order to accomplish this focus and growth.  I couldn’t help but parallel that these families are already denied having their precious kiddos – not for 40 days…but for a lifetime.  How do they grow closer to God in a time like this?

I’m not sure I have any answers…but I have one that works for me.

If you’ve read much of my stuff, you know I associate music to life – it’s certainly a passion of mine to practically become engrossed in music.  When this song came on, it helped make a little sense of things.  I don’t really agree any more on the premise that anybody can be “fixed” by another person.  I know there’s plenty of research out there supporting that…and trust I have plenty of experiences where I’ve either been on the giving or receiving end of a repair, and it doesn’t work as well on people as it might on cars, houses, and any other fixed non-living object.  But the overriding message of this song was this:  “Lights will guide you home…and ignite your bones.”

Without a faith in “The Light”, this walk of mine would be far worse than me wandering around in a foreign country stuck in beach sand looking for turtles that don’t swim til night-time.  When everything else fails…when stuff falls down around me and I can’t seem to see any way out, I remind myself to look for “The Light”.  It may not replace the thing I’ve lost, it may not give me what I thought I wanted, it may not stop the tears streaming down as fast as I’d like, but it will, without fail, guide me home.  And in that home, I’ll find rest…I’ll find the one thing that CAN fix me.  And I will, like the song says, have my bones re-ignited to go try again.

This Lent (which honestly I haven’t participated in very much, if at all, in years past) my prayers and reflection are about my commitment to family, friends, and the Light that can guide me home.  If there’s any self-denial for me the next 6 weeks, it’s about giving up those things that take me any further away from my path than I already am…it’s not about giving up anything for me this year, as much as it is about me growing closer.

With all the tough news, there was a single flash of light for me last week.  I’m fairly close with a very cool younger couple who I know through my work.  On my first day back, I texted one to meet me outside so I could give her the pancho she’d asked for from my vacation.  While we were outside, she told me some great news.  These two, who’d faced struggles for a number of years trying to have a baby…were finishing their first trimester…they were pregnant!  And there they came – tears streamed down my face.  I asked later if they had a nickname for the fetus…and you’ll never believe the answer:  “Turtle”.

 

Lights will guide you home.

 

Blessings to you all,

Tim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM&index=1&list=RDk4V3Mo61fJM