I’ll never say I haven’t been blessed. Born into a family of good-hearted parents and siblings, raised a bit sheltered, spoiled for being the baby of the family – I haven’t had to deal with a ton of trauma. It’s a challenge at times, as a single dad, to try to replicate that for my own children – but all it takes is one call to (or from) that same family and we’re back together around a table laughing, playing games, and rehashing the same stories we’ve rehashed for decades now…and laughing more. My daughter mentioned not too long ago how we feel like a family and hearing that felt better than winning a Nobel Peace prize.
By the same token, I’ve been surrounded by friends I wouldn’t trade for anything. We come and go – weaving in and out of all our daily routines – but when we do finally circle around, a quick recap is all it takes, and we’re caught up. We share laughter and tears; we talk about our victories and our fears; and much of the time we just brag about our kids.
Wow…did we go off and grow up somewhere along the way?
Without my friends and family, this particular week would’ve been especially difficult. My youngest was signed up to attend his first-ever overnight camp – for an entire week. He’s 10. No big deal for most folks. Heck, my 14 year old daughter has been attending a 5-week camp since she was in Kindergarten – not that I’ve ever been that crazy about her being gone that long! But anyway, Ward is probably what my family would refer to as “Tim Jr.”. Good-hearted parents, sheltered, spoiled as the baby, etc. Raised as he was, he associated better with adults than kids his own age, so socially he’s had some challenges.
My daughter, who is wrapped up in her own stuff much of the time, now, can sure get her feathers ruffled if anybody thinks of messing with her little brother. Earlier in the week, she asked me how he was doing and was anybody bullying him. I have zero worries that my daughter won’t be able to take care of herself down the road…she’s tough…I’ve seen her in action.
The first full day of camp, my son’s mother received 2 calls from camp, and I got one too by the end of the night. My boy was homesick…and trying to think of everything he could to get away from there. My video-game kid just wanted to come home – saying he missed everybody all the way down to the dogs. The next day, they allowed him to talk to me. His voice cracked and as quietly as he could (so as not to offend the camp director) he asked if I could come get him so he could come home.
I knew I needed to get him through the rest of the day…but I knew by Wednesday, we’d be covered up with rain from a tropical depression moving in and it would be even another day or two before I could venture a trip. Still, my mind was kicking into gear about just going and getting him then – I tortured myself with a “just in case” scenario that said he’d just be safer and feel more loved if I had him with me. By the same token, that other half of my brain was telling me I’d be short-changing him an opportunity to grow.
I emailed a counselor Ward has seen a few times, texted family and friends, and pretty soon, I had my own support group in place. Some agreed I should get him. Others encouraged that he was ok…but nobody was polarized…it was all supportive, whatever direction I chose.
I thought back to my own camping experiences as a boy scout…pretty close to Ward’s age now. It was my first overnight camp – a 2 night camping trip over to Lake Grapevine. It had been a little rainy and gross…but we got there and while the sun was shining, everything was fine. But I freaked out a little when things started winding down and that homesick bug attacked. My brother-in-law was the Assistant Scoutmaster and I probably put him in a bit of a pickle. If he didn’t succumb and get me home, he might have a little hell to pay if I ever remembered it long enough to say anything. I have no idea if he felt that or not, but he let me sit in the truck for a little bit to collect my thoughts and when he came back to check on me, decided he’d take me on back home. He even left my stuff there and went back to the campsite so he could take everything down, etc.
Well, that same Assistant Scoutmaster called when he heard of my son’s struggle…because he knew I was struggling too. We talked through things…nothing I hadn’t already thought of myself…but the humility behind the delivery was like a loudspeaker to my brain – “Tim, he’s ok. He’s not hurt. He’s not dying. He’s in good hands. He’s just homesick…and he’ll be ok.” We talked about all our homesickness over the years – even his when he was separated from the family for the better part of 2 years while working on the other side of the world. It hurts, but you push through.
Somewhere in the midst of all this flying around me this week, I heard an old favorite song of mine that seemed to be the perfect caption for the struggles this week. I’ve always thought of Hootie & The Blowfish’s “Hold My Hand” as a bit of a love song…but as I listened this week, it came across more like the friends and family I described above. In reality, when I sat down to write this morning, I truly thought I’d be weaving this in as my love song to my kids.
“I’ve got a hand for you, cause I wanna run with you…hold my hand! I’ll take you to a place where you can be…anything you wanna be because I wanna love you the best that I can.”
It’s certainly what I want my kiddos to know. We can always take each other by the hand and walk the challenges together. And undoubtedly, I’ll spend a lifetime loving them the best that I can.
But my blessings are even bigger than that. I’ve got family and friends who live this out towards me every day. From encouraging texts, to supportive listening, to positively distracting humor – each and every person in my life this week proved that they had a hand for me. They got me through this week. When I wanted to hop into rescue mode, they threw support at whatever decision I made. Whether I buckled and hauled butt to the camp to get him, or decided to let him tough it out, they were there with nothing but supportive words. Nobody ever said “you’ve gotta do this…you’ve gotta do that” – mostly because they know I shut down when directives start flying around. It was unconditional support.
It got me thinking about a bigger topic though.
Where would we be as a civilization if we could execute this same behavior on a daily basis…to everybody out there? Social media so easily recedes into the derogatory. News is filled with hate crime after hate crime. We are pummeled daily with news of “wars and rumors of war” – the stuff talked about in the same conversations of end times.
Why couldn’t we start by just trying to hold hands and push through our fears? After all, the world is bigger than just us…but we ARE the world. It’s not a planet – it’s a people.
The song starts:
With a little love,
And some tenderness
We’ll walk upon the water
We’ll rise above the mess.With a little peace
And some harmony
We’ll take the world together
We’ll take ‘em by the hand.
It’s funny…it parallels one of my favorite verses from the Bible…Matthew 17:20 that says if we have just a little faith – faith “the size of a mustard seed” – we can accomplish anything. With a little love and tenderness, we can walk upon the water and rise above this mess. I’m baffled by how much hatred can exist these days – but it’s probably been a truth in this world since the beginning of time. There’s just more of us, now…and things like the internet seem to speed everything up – news to our screen within seconds.
It’s time. It’s time to have some compassion. To rise above the mess. To take our world back. I’m not talking about any geographical grab – I’m talking about peace and harmony. Sure, I’m a Pollyanna at times, but I doubt few will disagree that lately things seem to be spiraling a bit.
Before it gets too far gone, let’s all learn to say, “Hold my hand”.
I wanna run with you.
Loving you all the best that I can,
Tim
PS – if you care to hear the song or even see the video…here you go:
My thoughts on things... 