Notes left behind by those who’ve gone on before us seem to have a special way of opening up our hearts. It’s as if we have a special connection with the afterworld that often propels us in the days, weeks, months, and years following a loved one’s death. We’ve all heard of these stories where people, knowing their lives were coming to a close, left notes for loved ones to open after their passing, or videos to watch sometime down the road – an everlasting gift of that special connection relayed through their words, voice, or even motion pictures. The movie, “PS – I love you” (based on a novel by Cecilia Ahern of the same title) was a dramatic and imaginative portrayal of just how precious life is – and how our occasional toils and troubles are really not all that significant in the grand scheme of things.
I started a new fitness routine earlier this year, and lately it’s incorporated jogging (I dare call what I do “running”). Friday night, with an empty house and some energy to burn, I decided to move up a day’s workout so I could spend Saturday recovering. The training run called for much longer running segments than I had yet run – and I was a bit nervous about how I’d make it through the workout. As the warmup walk ended, and the first segment began, I knew I was going to need to keep my mind occupied so I didn’t spend the entire segment staring at the clock. As usual, a song came on that inspired me towards this note – and I can’t even tell you which song it was. But the movie came to mind and the result that follows below is really the direction I had wanted to head anyway.
People often ask why I write…and I can tell you there are any number of reasons. But more than anything, I want my two kiddos to have something to hold onto for a lifetime. They’re too young to understand much of anything I write about at this point, but if somewhere down the road, they can pick up a sliver of wisdom out of something I’ve written, then all the time spent behind this keyboard will have been worth it. But even with that, until now, I’ve left nothing direct. While these are but small snippets of all I’d like to say, they’ll hopefully get the ball rolling to let each of my family members and friends know just what impact they’ve had on me.
First up…Momma. I told the story just last night of how you were an active member of the PTA for 27 straight years. Why you and dad “planned” me after the first two “surprises” 15 and 12 years earlier, I’ll never understand (haha). Selfishly, I’m glad my own two kiddos came pretty quickly together – there are days I’m not sure I’ll keep it all together. To do that for 20+ years straight without a break…you deserve more than a medal! You fret too much, worry endlessly, and still do too much at holidays. All that said nobody ever doubts the love you have for any of us. And as much as my brother and sister (mostly my sister) and I like to claim you love one of us more than the others, the 3 of us all know that if there was ever a mother who didn’t play favorites, you are it. I wouldn’t be a father without you…I love you, mom!
To my brother, know that my envy of you started in my very early years. Perhaps it was the family dedication to watch you play college football every weekend possible, or just the fact that I was your chick-magnet…I always wanted to be like my big brother. I remember that Chevelle Super-Sport hot rod you had. And I remember you correcting me as I was learning to read by pulling my finger off the book as I tried not to lose my place – as that was considered bad practice at the time. I remember peanut-butter-balls made by my loving hands with mom’s help. I hate to tell you at this point but there’s no telling just how many times I licked my fingers while I was making those things…without washing. I watched you navigate some really tough waters over the years and, even though our ages separate us by a considerable gap, I still consider you a close friend and one of the smartest men I know. I love you, brother!
Sister…there’s just too much to say in not enough space. You’d think I was emotionally scarred as much as I like to tell the stories about you slamming the bedroom door in my face as a toddler (repeatedly) when I’d try to bother you and your friends visiting the house. It’s actually just a fun story and one of my fun memories of childhood. I’ve watched everything from you marrying a really great man, to having kids of your own, to getting them both married off and becoming a grandmother along the way. You and your husband amazingly found a balance to support one another through every season of life – and continue to to this day. You are loved and respected by anyone who knows you. I love you, sister!
To the brother-in-law…or the “first outlaw”, stories are just about as endless. I learned how to tie knots, do multiplication tables in my head, start a campfire, and learned all about that Aggie Spirit thanks to you. I learned how to mix drinks and cook some mean barbecue thanks to you – and shoot, we even developed Mesquite Grilled Toast together with the brother! But more than any of those things, I had you by my side for so many of those formative years. I still remember you showing up at RLT to get me out of an after-school FFA meeting when dad went in the hospital my junior year. And nothing will replace the memory of what you did to my cap at graduation from A&M. I still remember us bawling our heads off out in front of G Rollie White Coliseum wishing Pops was there to watch. In fact, when I was deciding to get the license plates I still carry to this day twenty-plus years ago, my alternative plates were the words you’d decorated my hat with: “4U POPS”. I love you, brother-in-law!
And to the “second outlaw”, that wonderful wife chosen by my brother, I have memories of everything from “Cowboy Stew” to playing Skip-Bo, to my most embarrassing moment back around 4th or 5th grade when you visited me in the hospital (any male who’s worn a hospital gown can imagine why it was my most embarrassing moment). You are, beyond the shadow of a doubt, the sweetest person in all our family. Every person that comes in your presence is welcomed unconditionally. You are absolutely the most sweet and loving person I know. You’ve got a great sense of humor (a must in this family), a great laugh, and a huge heart. You’ve had your own health-adversities and have fought every step of the way to keep your quality of life – never letting anyone feel sorry or worry for you. I love you, my sweet sister-in-law!
For the nieces and nephew, I clump you together simply to save space. But never doubt for one minute what each of you mean to me individually. I am so happy that all of you have found a love in your lives and are successfully balancing the challenges of work and family. If you’ve learned anything from this family, all of you know the importance of family-first. I love each of you!
Pops, even though you’re going to have to catch this in today’s “Heavenly Times Herald”, I know you’re looking for it. Heck, you’re probably helping me with some of these thoughts. My brother wrote a really great tribute to you today and it opened my eyes a bit more on just what adversity you’d been through in your own life. I knew you were tough but soft-hearted at the same time. I guess I didn’t really fully grasp just what had made you so tough. I know we all say this from time to time, but if I’m half the man you were, I’ll be just fine. I love you, Pops! I miss you…and I love you…oh, and Happy Father’s Day!
And to my own kiddos, first off, my sweet daughter…please stop pickin’ on your brother! Ha! I remember the precise moment when I first heard a sound from either of you. Life had always been pretty good for me, but it got so much sweeter when you made your entries into this world. I can’t wait to see what you’re both going to do with your lives. Know without question that I am proud of both of you individually. I will always be there for fatherly advice – whether you want to hear it or not. To my sweet girl, you’ve been through a lot in your young life but you’ve managed to draw strength from your own challenges. Our hearts tore when we’d watch you deal with one challenge or another, but you always found a way through. I love your art, your mind, and your creativity amongst all your other great traits. You’re a great young lady…I’m lucky to have you as my daughter. To my young son, the family calls you Tim Jr. If that’s the case, you’re the smartest, cutest, funniest, and kindest person in the world. Ha! Buddy we’ve only had a short amount of time together – almost eight years now. But nobody questions just how smart you are, and just how witty you are. You’ve already mostly perfected the art of timing with your jokes. Trust me, so many folks never learn that – and you’ve got it down. Your creativity – with both your stories and your humor will propel you to great heights. To both of you, I hope you learn the drumbeat laid throughout this message – the love of family is enough to win any battle. I hope you share the love with each other that I share with my siblings. I love you both…endlessly!
Finally to all my friends – you’ve made life sweet at times when it had no taste at all. You’ve been there for me when I needed, and I’ve tried to repay the favor to you as often as necessary. It’s ok to share this sentiment of “love” with friends. In John 15:13, Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” While I can honestly say I hope to never be tested on this one, I do feel this sort of love for you. You are all great people with great accomplishments, overcoming your own adversities in admirable ways. I love you all, for living life and sharing a part of it with me along the way.
And for the movie buffs out there that saw this movie, don’t sweat it…I have no knowledge of my own pending doom and no intention of leaving you anytime soon. I just wanted to have the letter written in case I got too busy to do it sometime down the road. 😉
Love and Peace to you all
Tim
My thoughts on things... 